My parents are dirt poor. Opinions
I am 38 with three older siblings.I have a problem that may be unusual but early depresses me. Most people seem to have wealthy baby boomer parents and a huge inheritance coming their way but my parents are dirt poor. Both are on pension credit as they never saved for retirement and both have no savings at all. Meanwhile, my wife's parents have a yaught and 2 properties and have given us a house to live in and are always spooling us rotten. They seem to have an endless reservoire of money
Meanwhile, my parents are dirt poor who now own no property. Both are highly educated but are very much of the hippy era were by they never really wanted to be rich as a status symbol and still don't. This really upsets and embarrasses me as most people have very solid income parents of my generation. I love both parents dearly and want the best for them and am close to both, but I feel really on the fringes of society because of their circumstances. They have both been really generous to me when they where able in the past but that is not the issue. However, botoh never saved for pensions due to their strong socialist principles. The issue is I feel a freak, a total outsider and do not even disclose how poor both my parent are to my wife.
A few years ago my father asked me and my siblings to take him as he left his job a few years earlier and now could no longer afford to pay rent.He was destitute. It all worked out however and he got unemployment benefit and a flat so the emergency was over. Now my mother tell me my grandmothers care house bills have risen and this is going to totally impoverish her even more down the line. Already my grandmothers home was sold to pay for care home bills for her and because she is living for ages, and it is likely that my mother will soon be forced to pick up the pieces as her money will soon run out.
I am not stressed,must sometimes feel so sad, depressed and lonely over how my parents are not like most others with their very comfortable incomes. We are very much on the fringes of society.
It is worth noting, neither my parents are alcoholics or addicts. Myself and my older siblings are all highly functional with reasonably good jobs.
It's a really weird situation. My parents are dirt poor but because of their education mostly mix in middle class society. This makes the whole thing seem even more weird and lonely.
If I'm honest, it has made me very shy and lacking confidence socially as most people could never in a million years relate to my situation as most have parents with very solid incomes.I feel jealous of my peers not that I want money off my parents at all. It is just that they are completely unlike any other people.
Both are separated as they could never afford a divorce.
Opinions anyone? Reassurance? I am guessing few can relate to this situation so even on a problem page I feel isolated here.
Occasional typos here. I apologies.
"Most people seem to have wealthy baby boomer parents
and a huge inheritance coming their way but my parents are dirt poor."
Well - there's your FIRST flaw in your thinking. Where in god's name did you ever get that idea?
"I am not stressed,must sometimes feel so sad, depressed and lonely . . ."
The second flaw is tying in your own self esteem to your parent's financial status.
"it has made me very shy and lacking confidence socially as most people could never in a million years relate to my situation"
I wonder how these "poor" parents raised a child with such self-importance feelings and entitlement, such as you.
"Myself and my older siblings are all highly functional with reasonably good jobs."
Are THEY suffering like you are?
What is your problem? You are suffering from inadequacy caused by a poverty of your parents, yes? Why? You are an adult, you are able to work and keep your family. Am I right? What is wrong? You are a fulfilled person and there are no reasons to be ashamed of circumstances of your family. Anyway, you have already had YOUR OWN family! But from the other side, maybe you are distressed for your parents because of the low quality of their life? Then you with siblings, in turn, may make them a financial commitment. No reasons for shame!
Thank you both
Yes,I do basically feel for my parents as I love them both dearly and my unhappiness stems from their poor quality of life and isolation from the rest of society more than anything else. . Indeed, I will perhaps try to support both in some way if ever needed.
We live in a massively judgmental society where poverty is concerned as well I feel, and most people are very snobby and dismissive of those who are poor. This is why I am upset. I do not think I have a sense of entitlement at all. I feel the rest of society does though (and most are very snobby about poor people) and this makes us feel like lonely outsiders.
we live in a society where the "middle class" is rapidly vanishing - thus people end up either rich or poor - besides - many work for minimum wages and although they work they are poor - so working or not - many end up with the same spending capacity - which - once all the bills paid - is nothing
I believe it is ridiculous in such a reality to still feel bad about being poor - and being poor does not have to stop people from getting an education and a decent job - being poor is no excuse for taking a shower and looking decent (unless they live on the streets)
being poor is a reality today about which there is nothing to be ashamed of : so many are confronted with a "simple" life - which has its good points (but that's another subject of discussion) - and besides you children all seem to do not so bad
how your mother and grandmother are going to pay for the care house - I don't know : in the ol' times people used to stick together because one could help the other and even the oldies could still do something
and also - your wife's family seems to be very comfortable and they spoil you and your wife : can some of this money not be used for your parents and grandmother who need it ? without having the rich family needing to look at the poor family in a patronizing way - better to just be realistic and deal with the situation as it is - without judgment when so many are having to wake up from the "American dream" ..