Culture, BF and the other man
REDHAIR - Jun 5 2016 at 22:30
I hope you are well. I would like to get your opinions on a situation I am in. At the end of the day I realise it is me who has to make the decision but any input would be most welcome particularly as it may be stuff I have not thought off.Please bare with me whilst i get my thoughts together
I come from a very traditional culture (am indian) and I am 26 so my parents are now pressuring me to get married n settle down - in fact they have started looking for potential boys. I am currently in a long term relationship with a boy outside of my culture and i love him dearly but i feel like things have started to fall apart a little. He is indian too but we're different religions - this was always going to be an issue with our parents and if they didnt agree would have resulted in my leaving/potentially never speaking to my parents again. My parents and I have had a bumpy relationship so i always picked my bf over them. (I have known my bf for about 10 years, we've been in a relationship about 4 years and without him i wouldnt be the person i am now, i could literally talk about him all day and his amazingness). However recently my bf and i have started having a bit of a breakdown and another guy who also cares for me has come into picture.
My bf has always cared and still does care about me. However recently he has started getting a bit offensive about my culture; he knows this offends me but carries on. He has also recently sworn at me (we dont swear) so it was a big deal and there has also been an issue with another girl getting involved - he always talks about how nice she is and it makes me very uncomfortable. However we do work and we work so well but these things have started to casuse issues for me personally, this added with the pressure of disappointment to my family and leaving my family for him worries me. I worry if i leave family for him id be loosing a bit of myself and due to the difference i would have to leave home for him. It's not just that, i feel like he doesnt make the effort as much anymore. No birthday plans, no new year plans and i feel like im always the one pushing n trying new things. I have addressed this with him but the message doesnt seem to come across.
This second boy, he is from my culture and is very caring and lovely n also will be approved. Basically fits the bill. I have talked to him for a few months n he is sincere.
I asked for a break from my bf as its unfair to keep seeing him whilst im having second thoughts. I feel like im between a hard place and a rock .. i dont want to marry a stranger and as bad as it sounds i have an option here to get away from that. Im scared of loosing the love of my life, the man ive been with for 4 years and we have worked very hard at keeping the relationship together however with the new developments i dont know if i can carry on.
Any input or comments would be greatly appreciated and i apologise for the length of this post.
I absolutely agree with SUSIEDQQ. First of all, to cut your loose from family is the most important decision! And you should have complete confidence in the man you will have chosen. But your BF is NOT blameless...