Holidays will be soon, and I really really want to spend them with her. All I have to do is talk to her, ask her to meet up after school. This would be so easy, but as soon as I see her I can't do it. I get really nervous when she is around, and I can't even look at her. I think of all the bad things that could happen. I don't understand what's wrong. I really want to do something with her, but I just can't get over myself and ask her. She tried to speak to me a lot some time ago, but I screwed up all the time. I need to do work but can't get her out of my mind. I have no way of getting to her through a friend, so it's up to me to explain to her.
I always hope that we walk together in the corridor because it would be a good place to talk, but when we are, I can't bring mysel to it. I don't know what is going on in my head, I just try to get away but want to talk at the same time. Then I feel regret, and then depressed when I come home having failed again. Now I'm thinking about how I could just walk up to her or sit next to her in class (we both sit somewhere at an empty table) and get to talk, and nobody would care and let us. But as soon as I'm there, I just can't do it. Why?
As someone with a very low self-esteem I can kind of relate. I have always been incredibly shy with the opposite sex. Here is the answer: you just have to do it. At least in my case, I started forcing myself to go out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I am never left wondering what could have been. Remember: we regret the things we didn't do a lot more than the things we did do. Also, she told you she liked you, so you know you are not going to be rejected from the get go. Remember you are a nice person with a lot to offer and she clearly sees something in you since she gathered the courage to walk up to you and tell you she liked you. You matter and she showed it to you. I wouldn't be that brave for just anyone. And I bet you anything neither would she. And if it doesn't work out, at least you know. Again, this is just my opinion, nothing more. Good luck and fingers crossed!
I figured out that regret is worse than failure (but having tried). I so hate myself for not using all these opportunities she gave me and that came like that over the last 9 months. But when I am in school again, I will forget about all this and that it'll turn out good for sure, and instead go for "you will be embarassed, it will be awkward, she does not care anymore" and just walk past without doing anything.
For example a few days ago I was waiting outside class early and she came and stood opposite me. There was a group of others but they were busy with themselves. But I stared at the wall next to her. This went on for a few minutes and I was thinking "this is your chance, now is the time" but at the same time I felt as if I was paralyzed. It was like she is a a sun and I just can't look directly at her even for a second. I seriously am scared of the holidays, this can be the time of my life if only I can talk to her.
I even get uncomfortable to look at her on a class photo. I mean, I am at home and nobody is there and the photo is on the wall but I can't look. But I got over that thankfully. If I don't make it until the holidays, I will somehow get her email adress and send her something. Or if I can, I will tell one of her friends (they are very open and friendly luckily) about what I feel.
^ Maybe this is my problem? Thinking about what to do and what happened but not living in the present?
But, sadly I never had the courage to talk to her and eventually I just ended up feeling depressed because of it. I have also sent her messages online but she doesn't reply? It's weird because she would still walk by me and we would make eye contact still, all the while I sent them. I honestly don't know what to do because next year is our last year in high school (we'll be seniors). I just wanted to talk to someone who knows my pain as well as I do.
I manged to talk to her, it was a bit awkward for both of us but I'm sure it was good! talked about something we both know is going on atm... i'm just so happy now, all my anxiety nearly completely is gone over the course of 2 days!! all because I decided to hang out with some people after school, and not think about "what if I annoy them" - they didn't want me to leave Didn't realize how lonely I was, and how much it messed with my head. I'll make a post on this some time later...
uhfgajhdhagfeuzfhbhs781 AT fake-box.com
Any pointers or tips that you can give would be very helpful. It looks like it's too late now anyways because school is over and I'm not sure that I want to embarrass myself again for the final year of high school. It just seems like everything goes downhill for me while everyone else is fine, especially for her. Not that I envy her great mood or grades that she has all the time, but if it takes a toll on me, then I have to give up. For a long while I thought it was meant to be, but obviously she would have replied to me in some way if she actually had wanted a relationship.
Even through all this, I still would like to hear how you managed to do it, so maybe it can help me in the future with other people. Also, yes I think Skype would be good. I sent an email to the address that you provided in your last post so we can trade contact info.
(also for anyone else with this problem) The firt thing I did was to accept I might be embarassed. I don't know what the people in your school are like, but whenever someone confesses to someone people laugh, but not in a bad way. It's just what we do when it gets awkward But would you rather be embarassed and get her (or in the worst case not get her but know you've tried for sure) or stay the same and not get her, and spend a long time regretting and wondring about what could have happened? I know how hard it is tho but it is really really worth it.
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