I have a really great guy friend (that I kind of have a crush on) that I have known for around 11 years. Recently he got new friends that didn't like me and drove him Away from me. I tried to communicate with him, it was working but it was very... Weird. I got him a couple presents for his birthday(none of his other friends did this) he liked them. I also left a not of my guess/detective work and asked if his friends didn't like me. He said yes and they are making fun of me because of it, I replied who, he said he wouldn't tell me because I would get mad.
One day, I decide to ask if everything is ok with that person, he said they stopped, so the next day I decide to ask him in person if he was sure, but as I came close to him his new "friend" yelled "HEY JON ITS YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!" Jon told me it was fine, and it wasn't I was ready to destroy this person for keeping me away from my man for a year. Later I keep seeing him staring at me. Anyway, now they are making him "fit in to their box" and he dosent exactly like it. Now, recently I got him another present but he was sick the day of and I couldn't give it to him. So I get a hold of the antagonists number and meant to text him to not say anything when I gave him the present but I FLIPPED OUT during texting him.
Obvoiusly, he texts Jon, and Jon replies stop harrassing my friends, I try to explain that by the me of the messages everything was sorted out between me and the antagonist. He replies we can't be friends don't talk to me were done. I try to explain but he dosent want to hear it. He tells me to please stop so I obey him. I cry whole oceans, I could make Mars have life again with the water I made. The next day Jon was at school I apologize to Jon and the antagonist and give Jon his present.
FLASHBACK ONE YEAR the antagonist is becoming friends with Jon and I am cautious, Jon asked if the antagonist liked me and he said whatever Jon replied FUCK YOU IF YOU DONT. CURRENT TIME my friend asked Jon if he opened it twice 3 days apart I asked Jon to open it and I apologize a sincere one, Jon tells me he is never opening it. One week later I tell Jon happy summer and I wish we can overcome everything next year and that I am there for him blah blah blah... One week later I say same thing more serious, Jon says to please stop we can't be friends(he never gave me a reason but I might know it)
I really LOVE this guy I basically am a Yandere for him and I hurt people emotionally/ physically, used people, sabotaged, etc. because I love him so much and have for 11 years. I am NEVER letting go, he saved my from dying at other peoples hand(cars), and my own (suicide) multiple times I really need help should I do?
-We are seventeen
-I am biologically male I will transition soon
-This is NOT an Internet relationship
-He dosent really say anything else, as I was saying they are pressuring him into "fitting in", I think that is the case.
It does sound like he's choosing to fit in with this alternative crowd (with this antagonist at its helm) rather than remain best friends with you, yes. I'm sure he DID show loyalty and solidarity towards you a year ago. But, more time spent with this group and getting accepted and invited into their fold by them, he became torn.
If he remains your friend, he'll keep getting 'punished' by being called gay (no matter that that 'boyfriend' insult was directed at him merely *through* you). If they don't want you in their group, or Jon and you as a 'couple', simply because you're a transgender (and outside of their frame of reference and comfort zone - aw diddums, poor wickle small-mindeds) then it stands to reason that they'd also reject anyone who so firmly associated with you (because it would have to mean Jon could identify with you so what does that make *him*?).
I appreciate that you might feel Jon was your lifebelt, and hoped you could 'carry' him with you for-life (in case you felt that bad and wanted to try suicide again at any point in the future or as a 'safety-rail'/'comfort blanket' for your pending new world, or both), but, if you're getting 'bigger' - which you so patently obviously are, having made such a brave, life-changing decision, a decision which is going to lead you to growing even bigger still from that point forward - then life is trying to tell you that Jon, as a life-belt/comfort blanket or *anything*, is far too tiny or whatever way inadequate for you *already* these days, meaning, you've got a bigger, more impressive and useful one making his/her way to you on their own life path (as will intersect with yours) as we speak.
If you've always felt you were born into the wrong body/gender then once you get the correct one you're going to (after a period of grieving, out of respect for your old 'self') feel a HUGE difference in terms of how liberated and confident you suddenly feel. You're going to surprise yourself by wanting to party-party-party (- throw yourself into all the events, venues and experiences you felt incapable of sampling beforehand). Who knows - maybe Jon-the-'lifebelt' would have felt more and more like a straitjacket? Bet he would have. And then you'd have had to have been the one to reject *him*. So you've been let off the hook in that respect ('someone up there' obviously likes you).
So this is NOT automatically a bad thing, despite it feels like it - you and Jon now going in distinctly separate directions. It's just a 'bridge' period: you're on the crossing between your old self, old life, old friend/lover preferences and your new life and friends types, etc. But the bridge is pretty uneventful itself, so feels like Nowhere Land, something which doesn't exactly make one feel comfortable or sure of themselves. Possibly quite the opposite. Well, just grit your teeth and have faith that it'll end in huge smiles.
An open-minded type like you needs a small-minded, safe and socially-cowardly type like Jon like a fish needs a bicycle anyway. You're going places! :-) Jon was just a stepping-stone, not a final destination.
When's the op?