Just a crazy thought
Sorry if this question sounds really strange but I would like to know the answer for the following if possible.
I am currently going through a very nasty divorce (I mean extremely horrible) and had a bad fallout from ex as in we don't see or talk and no kids. She was the world to me and only one I really knew and we will never see each other again. I don't have any friends (zero! or know anyone). I don't have any family either (I mean literally no family!). In short I don't know anyone and live by myself and house hopping currently since ex took my FMH house away.
To be honest I don't think I will ever develop a connection with anyone who can care for me on a personal level so I have to learn to live by myself. I think I will be happy living by myself and I don't think I am capable of developing a personal connection with anyone anyway. I live a lonely life albeit quite content with it.
I don't have money but I do survive by working away and I do see myself surviving for a quite a few years to come. I am consuming excess amount of alcohol at the moment during weekeneds since there is nothing else for me to do after divorce.
However, nature do throw us humans in horrible medical situations such as cancer/accident/serious ill health etc. What do I do in case of such a situation? I mean not knowing anyone how on the earth would I cope in that situation? Appreciate that this is a hypothetical quesion but it is a real problem that I will probably have to face in future although I am reasonably healthy now. I don't know anyone or call anyone and ask them to help me in such a situation. Do I even need any help in such a situation and I would be grateful to hear from people who are in this situation although I doubt it as there aren't many losers like me on this planet. I was thinking that if such a situation does happen to me and I struggle not being able to get help perhaps it would be easy just to committ suicide. I am also an Indian living in the UK so fall in the minority group which doesn't help.
Your problem isn't in your future, it is your present! Yes, we all come to a moment we are dependent on people. But this does not mean you have to cling to people. In my experience, it is a good thing to struggle in life, it is not to hurt you, or to make you give up. It is to give you incentive to figure out who you really are. You are struggling because you are not sure of yourself. Please don't give up. Nothing happens the way you want, it doesn't mean the worst things you see yourself as are true. Don't hide from them. And don't cling to them. Be honest with yourself.