Marriage in trouble
I need advice. I've been married for almost 5 years but not without our share of problems. My husband and I argue/fight all the time over petty things. These things include him leaving piles of trash on the floor next to his side of the bed, piles of clothes in the same area, and his bloody boogers on the shower floor and walls. Every time i ask him to clean up his mess he becomes upset and says it's my JOB to clean up after him. It has gotten so bad that he has already left me once before and came back promising to be better about this but we once again find ourselves in the same situation. It makes me really upset and i feel really guilty for continuously asking him to clean up after himself because i know it will turn into a big fight.
Another problem we have is that he doesn't brush his teeth regulary nor does he shower before coming to bed. My issue with this is that he works outdoors in the sun all day so he comes home all sweaty and full of dirt. He even noticed how dirty he gets when he was in the shower one morning and the water turned brown, but this wasn't enough for him to realize that he should shower before coming to bed.
I don't know what to do anymore and i don't even know if this marriage is worth fighting for. My question is what can i do to get through to him?
When did all this start (his disregard for his own environment and his lack of personal hygiene?) - or was he always like this and you just now have noticed it?
He left you then came back- you bet he came back because who would want this smelly slob??? Wiping his bloody boogers on the shower floor and wall is trifling, disgusting and inexcusable. Can you give him an ultimatum and stick by it?
He's 26 and this started about two years ago. Same time I started school again, which was a very demanding program. The thing is that ultimatums don't work with him. He simply agrees with the this isn't going to work part (for example). Plus, when I confront him about anything he just automatically becomes upset and starts saying, "are you really gonna do this right now?" and completely shuts me out. He is a really sweet guy but being treated like a maid and not being listened to is not. Also this morning when I woke up he wasn't in the house and his truck was gone. I had no texts from him do i called him and he says he's at his dad's because he couldn't sleep. That's weird to me. If he were in my shoes on this situation all hell would've broken loose.
Okay. Maybe he is afraid to lose you, and pushes you away by being not clean and not caring, since you are now a college girl in his mind, making you clean could be, pulling you down to his level if he is feeling shame about himself. And not trusting you enough to share this with you. If you are not really honest about who you are, then this isn't a good relationship.
Ultimatums work when you say what you mean and mean what you say by following through. He doesn't feel he owes you any consideration of what you want or need. Leaving without telling you is disrespectful and you need to decide if he should continue sleeping at his dads. Until you stop tolerating being mistreated he will continue because he faces no consequences.
You say he gets upset and blows you off, shuts you out, but "he's is a really sweet guy?" Leaves with telling you to sleep at his dad house??(nothing sweet about this).
"If he were in my shoes on this situation all hell would've broken out" So why hasn't hell broken loose? Because he wears your shoes better than you?? Time to put your BIG GIRL PANTIES- nothing is going to change until you change. Show him what Hell Feels like..