Trapped in a dysfunctional marriage
WONDERLANDWOMAN - Jun 15 2016 at 23:45
I've been married to my husband for 13 years & together as a couple for 15 years. He has not had a physical relationship with me in 5 years. All we do is fight. He acts like a crazy person. He threatened to call the police on me when I wanted to sleep in separate rooms one night. He isn't physically abusive although we have both pushed and shoved each other at times.
I'm so depressed and my depression just is getting worse because I feel hopeless. The worst is that he promised me children when we were married, and not only has stopped that from happening through lack of sex, but sabotaged my efforts of adopting children.
I am educated and have a great job, but we are in debt. He has never paid my bills. He pays his bills, I pay mine. We split the house, etc. I have college loans and credit cards and just cannot afford to leave. The house does not have a mortgage but the market is not good where we live. I want out but feel trapped.
Moving in with my parents is not an option. My father is abusive and mentally ill. Any suggestions?
Wonderlandwoman you have to have a plan to get out of the situation. Just like setting goals. I'm in this "stage" in my marriage. The good thing is you have a good job so financially when you leave you should be OK. You don't have any children or mortgage to further complicate your departure. You may not want to read this but maybe not having children was a blessing disguise. Breaking promises and sabotage may not be the best character traits of a good father. You already pay bills separately so a clean break should be fairly easy. Start paying off credit cards/debt and save more. Improve your credit. Keep things with your husband light and stress free. Don't argue or allow him to upset you while the plan is in motion. By keeping things quiet and as "normal" as possible you can remain focused. Cut out any extra spending you maybe doing and apply that money you wanted to spend towards the debt. Keep him around long enough so he can continue to provide 1/2 of the household while you work on your debt. Give yourself a date to have the plan accomplished. Hopefully you'll feel less depressed and more empowered because your doing something to make it possible to get out of the situation and he has no clue.
Great advice, Bamboozled - totally agree! And he'll only have himself to blame.