His financial irresponsibility is affecting my future
BAMBOOZLED - Jun 17 2016 at 06:15
Has anyone had to deal with a situation like this? If not what are your thoughts in general about this situation?
My dreams of owning a home are just that...dreams. Vacations are not a reality. I work 5 days a week all year round except for my birthday and holidays because I depend on me. I thought that we would come together and be a power couple. Needless to say we work and aren't getting ahead.
When JT and I entertained the thought of a relationship I had been divorced for 3.5 and I was getting out of a "situation". JT and I had mutual friends so he was always around. I knew he wanted to get to know me better but I never entertained his interest. One evening, while hanging out with our mutual friends, we talked and it was more intimate than the small talk/group conversation we usually have. He was compassionate, intuitive, gentle and understanding. All the words I needed to hear slipped past his lips and found a way to my heart. I'm a hopeless romantic. Fast forward to present day...we have been married for 4 years.
Financially I need some security and want to be comfortable. JT is a hard worker and has a good job but he is horrible with his finances. After we wed the financial skeletons started falling out the closet. He owned a "business" and worked for himself yrs prior to our union. For 1 yr he never even filed taxes and for the years that he did file he owed and only paid enough to keep from getting his wages garnished. There is a bankruptcy in his past, discrepancies with more than 2 banks due to overdrawn accounts, child support and just unpaid bills.
Advice to all the young ppl thinking "love" is enough, please do your background digging. Maybe not so much as "digging" but having an open and honest conversation about everything & getting the answers you need to ensure you all can grow together. Once your married the things your spouse did in the past financially or WHATEVER can and will affect YOU. Not only that but how one handles their business may be an indication of the type of person they are.
Anywho, I tried to enroll for some college courses. I was advised that because I'm married I would need my husband 2014 return information to apply for financial aid.JT never filed for 2014! I can pay for all the courses (already living paycheck to paycheck) or wait until the 2014 tax issue for JT has been resolved.
When the financial skeletons initially fell out the closet I decided then that our incomes would have to remain separate. He has his bills and I pay mine. We split rent, utilities and anything dealing with the household equally. I've been filing married but separate for 3 years.
In October of 2015 JT and I spoke about what I needed to complete the financial aid app, he didn't take any action. I was so upset and shocked that he knew handling his business was the one thing keeping me from furthering my education and he didn't seem bothered by it at all.
Months go by and I bring it up again....still nothing from JT. Now my shock has turned into resentment. After arguing about this at least 2 more times he finally contacted an accountant June of 2016. Obviously JT is not consistent and I don't trust that this issue will be resolved anytime soon.
I am not going to hound a grown ass man, who claims to love me and knows how important going back to school is to me, to do something that he should have already done. He provides no security and has only added to my stress when trying to maintain the household. I'm the responsible one who makes sure things get done. I put out the fires. I handle it all. I didn't bring any messiness into this. I don't cause him any problems. I can be depended upon. Nevermind his commitment to me or what I want to do...how about the fact that he's not responsible enough to get it together enough to do what most responsible Americans do...PAY TAXES. I just want someone to be strong for me, to stand up for me. I don't know how to depend on anyone bc I've never been able to.
Hi there! I tried this site lovedoctor8.webnode.com sounds kliché. But it was really a relief. What you're going through is though :/ good luck!