Sickened with stress of relationships
I'm 16. My boyfriend is 18 and he's actually going off to college, but that isn't what's bothering me.
The fact is, he's literally SUCH a sweet guy and I seriously have known him for a year, but we only recently began being in a relationship a few months ago. He's always been the nicest guy to me and he's never gotten mad at me or anything and I really don't WANT to leave him. But. . . I have issues with commitment. And I also am quite sex-repulsed and he always goes on and on about this connection through sexual intercourse and I feel like if I make him stay with me, then I'm depriving him of having that experience he wants.
His ex girlfriend was really mean to him and would HIT him and basically not talk to him for days on end and she didn't even care about him. I don't want him to think I'm just as bad, even though I've never once hit him or have been mean in any way.
His family loves me and I don't want them to hate me, either, considering i have two more years left at school and his sister is one grade younger, also his cousin. If I break up with him, they'll hate me.
It's not that I don't love him, either. Because I DO. A lot. But I'm not sure what kind of love it is I've been feeling for him. And since we technically started dating, I've been feeling sick and depressed and anxious and unwilling to want to be around him. . . I must be the most HORRIBLE person in the whole world to not want to be with him, because he literally cares so much about me.
I did tell him I'd never be able to give him sex, but I don't know if he got the message. He thinks everything is fine and I really don't think I can talk to him about it, because I'd end up crying and I wouldn't be able to tell him. He literally told me that if I left him, he wouldn't be able to handle it anymore. Because I'd be leaving the EXACT same way his girlfriend left.
I don't even like the thought of marriage or having kids and I don't want to have to break that to him. . . I just. . . Don't know what to do anymore. If I keep this up, I don't know what I'll do.
This has literally bothered me to the point of physical illness. If this continues, I'm worried what it will do for both my physical and mental health.
I can understand what you are going through. There is just one solution to this problem.Communications. If you feel so anxious around him, it really isn't healthy. Just gather your courage and talk it all out with him. No person is perfect...and believe me this guy has the right to know what is going on in your mind...just be true to him and let it all out...talk and work out a consensus..because this way..this relationship is going nowhere.