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Growing Painz

Posted by
BOB920
on Jun 21 2016 at 08:21
Member since: 21 June 2016
Emotional advice forum category advice forum category My father was abusive to me and my mother and he knocked my mother down the steps I was later told that is why my brother and sister died from being premature cause of the complications from that.

After they deid my mother was in and out of medical institutions because of her depression of the loss of her children,my mother and father stayed together till I was like 5 or 6 and then divorced.

Not knowing because of me being a child what my dad did exactly to my mother and even thoe he abused us both me and my mother I wanted to live with him but my mother was still crowned custody of me so I stopped eatn till she gave in and let me go with my father.

I hold regret and pain even tho I was a kid and didn't know any better I'm still burden with guilt,he now has a new family and has 4 children with his new wife and she's the bread winner,he treats me like a step kid and me and my mother like we did something wrong.

He even named my brother from his new wife the name of the brother he basically killed with my mom with out seeing how she would feel about it I personally thought it was distasteful.

Now I'm angry all the time inside feel like I betrayed my mother and my father betrayed me and I'm short with my mother and my girl I'm a good person and don't wanna end up like my father I have social anxiety depression and emotional problems from all I seen growing up and it's hard for me to hold or even get jobs let along leave the house I feel like my life was great in high school but now everything is coming out..I don't want to be abusive or troubled I don't want to be my dad.sorry so long but that is my story thnx for ur input if any. .what can I do to put light back in my life. Ty..

Growing Painz
Reply from
J.ELLISON
on Jun 21 2016 at 19:28
Member since: 21 June 2016
Hey bob,

First I'm sorry to hear what happened.Second your not going to become like your dad, that worth repeating one more time. YOUR NOT GOING TO BECOME LIKE YOUR DAD. I can't even say i understand your pain but you along with others have been through it and came it better and more enlightened on the situation.

The three main areas to focus on are your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Attacking your social anxiety from these three areas at the same time will have a compounding effect on the results you get. Focus on the ones you have the most difficulty with now, and then move on to the others.

Your thoughts and how you manage them can have a substantial impact. If you have time, look into cognitive behavioral therapy for a complete set of tools on managing your thoughts. If you just want to try some quick techniques out right now. One way to lower your anxious thoughts is to accept them. It sound like a contradiction, but it isn't. Once you fully accept yourself, even down to your anxious thoughts, which are a "flaw," then you'll feel a lot less inferior to others. If you have thoughts or feelings of inadequacy or inferiority often, then it usually just comes down to accepting yourself and then working towards a better future at the same time.

Also try thinking a lot less. Most socially anxious people think way too much, which makes them stuck inside their head. If you can slow down your anxious thoughts by switching your focus to the people around you, then you should be able to think a lot less, which will make you less anxious.

If you have social anxiety, then it's normal to feel lonely, sad and depressed. Unfortunately, these are the exact types of emotions that will drive off potential friendships or relationships. People don't like to be around people who are sad and depressed all the time. Instead, you want to be fun and happy a good deal of the time. How do you do this? Try smiling. The simple act of smiling actually releases chemicals in your brain that start to make you feel more happy automatically If you don't believe me, then try it for yourself. How much different do you feel when you are slouched over and looking bored versus sitting up straight with a huge smile on your face?

The last tip I'll show you is the one which may make the most lasting changes to your level of social anxiety. Here it is: face your fears directly. It may sound like impractical advice if you are very socially anxious. In that case, you need to start with small fears and build your way up. Maybe try to make and hold eye contact outside with three people outside today and then move on to bigger fears.

hope this helps :)

Growing Painz
Reply from
BOB920
on Jun 22 2016 at 00:47
Member since: 21 June 2016
First I want to say thank you so mutch J,Ellison for taking the time out of your life and day to respond to me I appreciate it a great deal.

I also take the time to give advice to others even tho I have problems of my own it makes me feel better inside myself.

I think a lot of us on here kinda kno what to do and most likely googled or used the world wide web to answer there own questions on what to do with there problems and some of the things you said I have read but something about you telling it directly to me is more powerful and therapeutic and helps me yes me want to do the things you took the time to tell me.

I'm going to push myself out my comfort zone and talk and meet new people but first I'll join my in-laws and love ones that inquire about my company and start there,In high school Its crazy I couldn't sit in the house always had to be the center of attention and be around people or I felt the world was passing me by,now I feel the same and it is cause I'm not happy,I'm starting to realize I need to hang around more positive people and do like you say and try to fight my thoughts.

I just got In a habit of making one negative compromise to the next to the point I became idle and in becoming idle i became self critical and I shut myself off of everyone not only the negative people out in this world but people who love me,simply put I was the life of the part now I don't even want to attend the party on so many what if scenarios that are just in my head,I'm just out of practice I need to get back on the horse and ride free again,and stop worrying about things I don't kno will actually happen..

Thank you so much and out of respect to you and your time I won't say one thing on here and do another I want my life back thank you so much I really appreciate your thoughts and efforts to help..Bob..

Growing Painz
Reply from
J.ELLISON
on Jun 22 2016 at 01:01
Member since: 21 June 2016
See so you know how we are. As in the people who really truly care about helping people. Yes, i totally agree with the part where we need to hear it from other people. Like being a kid we might get advice from our parents but it never really come to thought until we hear it from someone on our level or someone close to us.

Enjoy your day Bob. Keep your head up.

Growing Painz
Reply from
BOB920
on Jun 22 2016 at 03:29
Member since: 21 June 2016
Thank you so mutch don't know how often your on here but if your interested I will post my situations on using these tactics we discussed and the outcomes that were transpired.thnx again..Bob
Growing Painz
Reply from
J.ELLISON
on Jun 22 2016 at 04:24
Member since: 21 June 2016
Of course. All I want to do is help your feedback would be appreciated. Hope everything goes well. Talk you later Bob.

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