My cheating ex-boyfriend may spread lies about me
Hey all. I'm new to this site, but this has entire situation is tearing me apart inside and I need some insight on how to go about handling this.
I was in a relationship with a guy in the military for 4 years, 3 of those years being long distance.I will call him Joe. We went to high school together and that is where our dating relationship started. we were best friends. We were extremely happy together and from early on we were certain that we were going to marry each other. In December 2014, he proposed to me and of course I was elated. We set the wedding date for December 2015 and we started marriage prep with our pastor.
Long story short, Joe broke up with me a week before the wedding. He said the feelings he had for me had simply faded and he didn't know why. I had no forewarning; we were't having relationship problems that I knew of and he still told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, until the day he broke up with me. I was devastated, utterly broken.
For the past 6 months, I have been trying to let go of him, but in the back of my mind I still hoped he realized he had made a mistake and will come back to me (silly, I know, but he was the one I planned on spending the rest of my life with). During those 6 months, Joe had been on deployment.
In late May 2016, Joe updates his relationship status on Facebook (ah, the dreaded Facebook) to say "in a relationship". He had pictures with this new girl since November 2015... He had been cheating on me during our engagement. I was furious of course, but I didn't do anything-- I didn't contact him or his new girlfriend, but I was definitely shocked and I was hurt all over again. Other people had asked me post-breakup if Joe would cheat on me and wondered if that's why he ended the relationship, but I defended him and would say, "No, he wouldn't do that. He's just doing through a really tough time and needs to figure things out for himself."
Then, out of the blue this past week, his new girlfriend Facebook-messaged me and wanted to hear my side of the story. I told her how our relationship had gone down, and she told me something very surprising: Joe had told her back in October 2015 that I had cheated on him in the past year, and he told her that he broke up with me and hadn't talked to me since September 2015.
Once again. I was devastated. At first, I felt triumphant that the truth has finally come out, but now the pain and betrayal is hitting me all over again. I'm also extremely angry, and I'm having trouble reining that in as well. I had been nothing but faithful to this guy and I treated him like gold, just as he treated me until December 2015. His new girlfriend and I were happy to find out the truth, and she was going to talk to him this week.
I haven't heard anything since then though, and I'm worried that Joe told his family the same lie that he told his new girlfriend. His family lives in my hometown, and I don't want them to spread these horrible rumors about me to people close to my family. I've been nothing but good to Joe, and this could ruin me and my family's name.
What should I do? Should I not worry about it and hope the truth shows itself to everyone eventually? Should I contact Joe? I haven't spoken to him since the breakup, and he's all the way in another state. Or should I confront his family (who I was very close to before the breakup, especially Joe's little sister [we were best friends since kindergarten]) and tell them the truth? I know I can't force them to believe me.... I'm just so confused and hurt. What should I do? What can I do to let go of this anger and hurt? Thank you so much for reading this.
Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your current situation and all. Through your story I can relate as I was on the other side, in the military and had a girlfriend far far away also a high school crush, and dedicated a good 3 years of my life to hopefully being with this person until things all of a sudden changed. The late night calls stopped, the skype call till the morning stopped and everything just seems like it was a big game.
This is where i want to connect with you, because you're currently showing a lot of emotion and thought to this. So you are obviously hurt. And you tend to focus and think about things that has the POTENTIAL to happen. I can promise you. Not saying this in a disrespectful way. Life is short. You worry about someone else is only hurting your health and that's not good for you. It's not good for anyone honestly.
Now being in the military, commitment is rare. So don't get upset with that. Best tip honestly is to go live life. Being positive brings out the positive in the world and in you. Stop being down and thinking your family gonna get ruin cause of one person.
I hope this helped. If i can be of further assistance please don't hesitate.
Hello, I'm so sorry,you're going through a lot. Tell them. Tell them all you told us (but in a more refined, appropriate manner) if he disagrees or says he didn't do it, then bring up something else he did. Show them all the evidence. He's lying to his family and his new gf, and that's a sick kind of man.
Also, when i listen to songs it makes me feel better. If things still don't work out, try listening to Kelly Clarkson's songs, but i think this song, "Never Again", captures our situation in a nutshell. It might be better if you reflected off of that song and the meaning to you. I wish you luck with everything.