Was I wrong?
ELBELL1 - Jun 29 2016 at 15:35
I have known this person for five years he is your typical por pulse boy handsome bully he manipulates people mucks up stuff for people is arrogant and quite honestly not a nice person. However I went through a phase of liking him but it was more a case of liking the idea of hating before loving. He could sometimes be funny even though he was an idiot which was incredibly irritating and sometimes be an alright person. I could never decipher whether he was an evil person or simply someone who felt they had to fit themselves to a particular way to hide himself as make him appear the stronger one.
The other night was the last time I was ever going to see him as I was moving on into a new stage of my life but he didn't know it was the last time.I have alway been nervous acting confident around him even though I pretend otherwise but the other night I felt entirely confident and felt that I had nothing to lose so I walked up to him and said: "I have been meaning to tell you this for five years" he then stood up from sitting down and strangely I could look at him straight in the eye put my hands on my hips am really calmly said "I think you're a f****** d***" he then asked me to repeat it and he suddenly looked really scared and really quietly said "why"I then replied "I think it's just your overall personality really" he then said really apologetically"oh ok alright" and I later saw him walk really fast into the bathroom looking really upset.
Afterwards it felt incredibly good I couldn't believe I had finally done it but now I feel like a complete and utter b**** and a hypocrite and I feel so horribly guilty. My friends think it's absolutely great and think I'm being silly for worrying over it. But I've never seen him in such a weak position and looking so apologetic I even thought I was going to make him cry.
Being horrible Is entirely opposite to me and now I have overthought the situation I have that horrible feeling you get in your stomach and I even feel like crying. I know I'm not going to see him again but saying such a horrible thing to someone who you thought you loved for 4 years confuses everything.
I can't decide whether he deserves it or whether underneath he's an alright person and maybe he has been hurt by someone before hence his bullying and maybe I've just gone and hurt him even more. I'm even analysing if he was a bully Im starting to think maybe taking the mick out of someone and laughing at them is just a common thing everyone does and maybe him jokingly asking girls out who aren't popular or who aren't pretty was just a harmless thing. Plus I start to think there are worse people that maybe I have just exaggerated his 'horrible' personality simply for an excuse to hate him. I even got on with him a couple years back. I think he fancied me as well but he pretty much liked everyone. I feel very confused about the whole situation do people think I was wrong to say what I did? Do you think it was too harsh and if do should I apologise somehow?
Por pulse= popular
An idiotic arrogant person, not a good combination I guess...
Yep, the second option; "simply someone who felt they had to fit themselves to a particular way to hide himself as make him appear the stronger one."
Interesting that you had to hurt him, why? To gain power over him? Because he weirded you out? I am asking this because I really don't understand this impulse to hurt someone who doesn't make any sense to me. People always hurt me because I was a little different than everybody.
Of course your friends are going to think it is great. They just love to stick it to someone, don't they?? The trick is not about hurting someone, it is to be strong enough to say they are behaving very wrong to you, and to themselves. Pointing out all the characteristics that hurt you. He is a bully because he can't do this, because no one probably did this for him. And showed him how a person can be strong without being cruel.
Don't be guilty, just be sure why you had to do this, and figure out how to find a better way to express your emotions. Suppressing your emotions are the reason for this sort of behaviour. It took you this long to tell him how you felt in a wrong way. Those are not your real emotions. You feel frustration because you loved such a man, and felt awkward about it. There has to be a reason you loved him in the first place. Maybe bullying someone feels good to you, but not in a obvious way, kind of a secret, even keeping this from your friends and from yourself. Or you were bullied before?? Just assumptions. I don't know your real reason for doing this.
Don't apologize to feel better, just find out why you said anything like that. And tell him the truth. It might help him more than it helps you.
He is a bully man . That is his personality.. But , I can see that he is a good person.. I think he is just mis- understood by you.. sometimes this people bully to to get attention. In your case, I admire the courage that you told him what you thought of him. Somehow, it gave him lesson too.. and realize that his actions were not good, and were not applicable to everyone.. Dont apologize to him, I can feel one day soon, you will see him as a total different person..
Yes our bully with a more withdrawn personality, hating himself more now, as if he didn't hate himself enough. Good psychology, Thisisstar!
I'm sorry, but I have to say, you people have a way of misunderstanding people, not talking about harsh words here, I am talking about, if you hurt someone, they will get better?? Seriously! Maybe if you are talking to a thick-headed man, but then it is not getting better, it is getting more thickness in the head!
If you are willing to destroy something, you have to be willing to pick up the pieces. How do you know if what you said worked in a good way?? Not every person is the same, not every person comes back from a blow to the head. You know how these things feel like?? You will want to kill yourself after someone talks to you like this! Pain surfacing makes you stupid harmful things to yourself and to others, hence the bullying part... But yeah, be my guest, hurt more people if it makes you feel better!
This is not a fairy tail, showing true courage against an evil villain! :) This is real life! Just be more careful, huh?! Speaking your mind needs more depth than making someone cry... It needs to be constructive!
When I said what I said I never thought "that'll teach him" it was simply an impulsive moment of anger. I think in that moment I hated him for everything, I think what felt good about it was a realisation that it was just his image I had fallen for never him. Yet now I feel so mixed up because I can't tell whether it is him I had liked or for the image whatever that was. I haven't slept brilliantly for the last couple of nights because I've been thinking about it constantly feelig huge amounts of guilt I have even had dreams where he ended up killing himself. It hasn't made me feel better in any way.
I got carried away. Sometimes I do that. I didn't think it was you who wanted to "teach him", it was your friends, you just made a mistake. I know. I was mostly talking about stuff why you couldn't say this in a better way. Calmer way. Because you kept it inside you too long. Don't keep things inside. They are like poison, they hurt you and hurt others. And don't hold on to guilt, it is more useless than swearing...