This may be a new one, usually it's the betrayed looking for advice but here I am. I am a 35 year old woman married for 10 years and have four kids. I am here due to my infidelity.
A little background I have suffered from depression and undiagnosed bipolar since I was a child. I never took prescriptions only self medicated with street drugs in my younger days and alcohol as I got older.
This all came to a head six months ago, I began drinking more and more, began using again nothing helped. I than began engaging in some appalling behavior. I began an affair with a man I met on the internet. After our fist sexual encounter I attempted my life. I ended up hospitalized and placed on medication and the affair ended. My husband and I began counseling and trying to piece or our lives back together.
Things seemed to be going ok and like an idiot I stopped my medication. This started the cycle again I began drinking again this time very heavily to the point of blackouts, I made another attempt on my life. During one of my episodes I sent some inappropriate messages to my ex. Needless to say my husband found out.
I have since gone back on my medication I have quit drinking and I see both a therapist and a psychiatrist. My illness is no excuse for my actions do so please don't think I am hiding behind that. I am sickened by my own behavior. For my children's sake I am trying to get better. He has chosen to stay by me but only to remind me of all the awful things I have done. He knows my mentality is weak (I am only five days sober and compliant). I get he has every right to be angry I also get that because of what I have done he can't be there for me. Every time I think I'm doing good he is there to remind me that I have ruined everyone's lives. He has even gone as far to say if I really wanted to kill myself I would succeed. I know I'm not good for him but I can't get him to see that.