How do you find strength to start your life again?
I have given up in one area of my life because it seems it will not change, but rather than concetrate on becoming good at other things, I have let the 'give up' mentality apply to other areas of my life which I know I can change. It's reached a point where I have trouble getting out of bed and going outside. How do you find the strength to move on and let go of things you can't do anything about? how do you fight the urge to give up?
You can only fight the urge to give up when you hit rock bottom. That's what happened to me. Much like you, I couldn't get out of bed, but in my case I couldn't move my body. I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. I was awake, but that didn't matter. It was a nightmare. I am still afraid of it. I explained this to a lot of people what was happening to me. And they wouldn't help me. Not really. Even if they understood some part of it, they would keep it to themselves. I hate that. I am not some fragile child, I am a person. But they don't care. So, I told myself, I will never give up, and from that moment forward, I never have. Because it is now survival, and it is on! Think this as a game. You no longer care if you will die or you will fail, you only care you will keep going no matter what! You just hold on no matter what! You just do it! Because you have to, because your life means more to you than what others think about you!
I am not proud of it. I shut myself out. And I let all my friends go. I let everything go. Because they were the cause of my problems. They made me give up, instead of helping me embrace life! So, let go of whatever it is making you give up. Just let go. Trust me, you will understand why you had to do that.
But there is something about this. This is not about giving up, this is about letting go of things that make you sick. And finding better ones to help you get better. You have to trade them for one another.
This post struck a very raw nerve for me. First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this 50PERCENT. I'm in the same boat. I can't listen to music, eating is a chore, and I'm shutting everyone out. I know I'm breaking my own heart over and over again, and I have no tangible hope that anything will ever change, so that brings me to my second of all: The response from PROBLEMSURFER also hit a very raw nerve. I've been working on letting go of anything that's not meant for me, and your words were exactly what I needed to hear. My brain knows what you're saying is true. The rest of me is still basically curled in the fetal position, just wanting as much time to pass as possible as quickly as possible so I can put this whole fork in my road further and further in my rear views. I know that sometimes beautiful beginnings are presented as painful endings. Again. My brain knows that. The rest of me will catch up. Eventually. I hope. Thank you for the words of honesty and wisdom. Much appreciated. Hope it helps 50PERCENT as wll.
I wanted to add, people always yelled at me for being weak. And this always made me weaker. They pushed me away and shut me out. It is like I didn't have a place to exist. No one understands this, why I hate them for this. So I created a strategy for myself, for my recovery. Take advantage of a bad situation to get rid of your weakness and find your strength. People have a way of showing you your weaknesses. And I let them hurt me. I know it is insane. I let them hurt me on purpose. When I get stuck, I continue this thing. I put myself in a situation that will make me shut down. But I force myself to speak or act. Whatever. And I figure out at that moment what hurt me the most, and why I was powerless. And I find it and smash it inside my head! And it works.
If you would like to try it, I can explain. All the things you are holding on to, are your weaknesses. And the pain, the truth is hidden behind the weakness you are holding on to. To cut it short, instead of running away from a painful moment or memory, I force it to surface with whatever is going on in my life, and I let myself feel the worst kind of hurt so I can rip it apart, and never feel it ever again. But it is not easy.