Hi, Can u plz help me...
I've messed up badly & any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I've been in a relationship for about 15 years & I'm so in love with this girl.
Without me realising, we've recently been seeing each other a lot less due to my work schedule (I've worked a lot recently, especially weekends & I work 12 hour shifts - nights & days) & socialising (I play a lot of pub sports), but she never once has said that she had any issues with any of this. If anything at all was said then I would honestly have been with her all the time.
We've had a minor falling out re money & missed our first ever mortgage payment last month on our house after living together for nearly 10 years, but she had been fine after that issue & we've been getting along great albeit mainly on the phone or via text (once again due to me working).
When I was actually with her she seemed happy.
I went out to watch the England match last Monday, & invited her but she said that she that she was going to stay in as she was working the next day. I ended up staying out until 3am, so went to stay at my parents house as we live in a different town. I text her to let her know where I was though.
I had pre arranged a day out with a retired workmate & my boss on Tuesday & she was absolutely fine with it. We only do it a couple of times a year.
I text her beforehand & everything was all good. I walked our pet dog down to my parents house as she was at work & asked her to pick the dog up after work which she said that she couldn't do as she was going to get her nails done n then having a drink in the local with the girls. So I said that I'd walk her home when I got back - prob at about 6.30. It was nearer to 9pm when I got back as we went for a meal that wasn't planned.
Then as I was walking the dog home, she text to say that I should just stop at my parents house again & that she would pick the dog up tomorrow. She then said that she wasn't feeling very happy & that she used to love me ("I made the stupid comment of "Well, if you're thinking that, then maybe I should move out". She did correct herself & say that she does love me, but isn't happy).
As I walked in to the house she started on about the money (It was £500), so I said that I'd pay it into the bank that week & not to worry... She wasn't happy & said that it's fine for me not to worry, but that she did. She then asked me to go to bed n then we could have a chat. She obviously been drinking, but as I was drunk I just said that I'll sleep on the settee & let her calm down. I wish that I'd gone up with her now so much.
I paid the £500 into the bank on the Thursday as promised, and asked her if we could go for a meal together on Saturday night which she agreed to.
We went, but during the meal she said that she still wanted us to have a break.
I said that I'd stay at my parents house for a few nights & give her the time that she needed... That was on Saturday night & I'm still there now. I'm willing to stay for as long as needed, but don't know how long to say).
We've both texted each other & we've phoned every night since, and we're talking as there's no bad feelings (She sounds quieter than usual, but that's to be expected). When I say plz let us try & work this out, she just keeps saying that she's not sure what to do... That she's really unhappy & it's been going on for ages. (She had never once mentioned that anything was wrong).
I've made assurances that all money due from my wage will go into the joint account on my payday from now on, so the money thing will never be an issue again.(we both put the same amount in each every month as we're on very similar wages).
I've never cheated on her & she hasn't ever done that to me either, so i'm sure that infidelity isn't an issue. She just appears to be lonely, but why didn't she warn me?
What shall I do to keep the girl of my dreams happy?
I just want to see her happy & if that's with us separating then so be it, even though it would break my heart. I just can't get my head around the fact that she never once mentioned any issues. More so, I can't believe that I never saw it coming.
I really want us to stay together more than anything in this world & I'm happy to let her take a break but don't know what to say for the best.
I'm really hoping that she'll let me move back in & that we'll try again, but she's not sure.
I've told her that I'll be as patient as she needs me to be & will give her as much time/space that she needs.