Intimidated by high standards
Growing up, I always had ideal traits in mind when it came to girls. I figured that someday after school I would meet a pretty girl that was looking for the same things as me and it would be as simple as that. And I didn't date or anything until well after high school. By that point I realized that I was lonely and had missed out on getting to know girls in school and meeting someone my age. Back then I just had high standards and didn't want to compromise. And then I did compromise, because I was desperate.
It's probably humorous, then, that I find life has handed me a cruel twist of fate - women have such high standards that I'm worried I might have a hard time of finding someone again. (It's kind of unfair, given that I wanted a relationship when I was younger but many of these women my age just wanted to play around for years until they decided they "are ready to settle down with a good man now", but whatever.)
Every time I read profiles on dating websites, it's like women are looking for something really particular, and aren't open to meeting different kinds of guys. They usually want someone who is a country boy, or someone from the city with a lot of tattoos and a bad boy image. They want someone who makes more money than them, but who is simultaneously a modern guy that thinks women should make just as much as men. They want someone who doesn't make sexual comments or act rude towards them, and someone who is unique and says something and puts a lot of thought into it - whenever I do this I usually don't get a response, however. One of the biggest problems is they seem to value things people can't change, so it's like you will never have a chance with them anyway unless you were born with certain genes.
It seems like many women, right away, disregard me because of my height. I think height is a minor thing, personally, but to women this is a deal-breaker and apparently they only want guys over 6ft, or who are at least taller than them. I'm about 5'4...To me that's fairly normal, but I guess most ladies kind of cringe at the thought of a guy that short because "I can't envelop them and make them feel safe and secure", even though that's kind of a lame argument...
Sometimes I wonder if women can just kind of sense that I'm not 100% perfect, and sense that I don't have the most amazing income or social skills, and that kills it for them? I'm definitely not the most confident or successful guy. But I try. I don't think I complain too much, though I can be negative sometimes. I think I have alright hygiene, but I don't have great teeth. I'm not terribly stylish, but I try to not be a total slob.
I know I can be picky sometimes, but at this point I'd say I'm fairly open to meeting different kinds of women. I want to meet someone who has never had children before, and it seems like many haven't. I try to be reasonable and not put far too much stock into looks, but at the same time I constantly second-guess myself and wonder if I have to lower my standards more. I don't feel like I'm a bad-looking guy? But maybe the best way for a guy to get a girl these days is to date down.
And this applies to the real world, too, not just online dating. It seems like the kinds of girls I am most interested in and try to get to know sort of push me away, or send me incredibly mixed signals... And it kind of sucks. Do I just want what I can't have? I refuse to believe that's entirely true.
To be honest, I'm not sure that I'm actually looking for someone right now. Maybe I do need some alone time. But somehow I feel like I've aged a lot lately, and I'm beginning to worry if I'm really just not able to attract the kind of woman I want - or any women at all, really. I just want to try to pinpoint what the problems are, exactly - what it is that I'm doing wrong? Or, maybe I'm not.
Altreal, rest assured that there's a woman out there looking for you just as you're looking for her, right at this moment. It doesn't matter a damn what you look like or what she looks like, it's what inside that counts. After you've met her, you'll look back and wonder what all the hassle was.
The dating websites give anybody prepared to pay the cash, the opportunity to prepackage their partners into profiles which very rarely work out. Very few people end of with the perfect partner and if any advice is worth talking about, it's to choose a partner who shares your values and standards. The best way is face to face and getting to know someone through words and actions.
If you read too much into it, you'll end up doing your head in about it. Meanwhile, you need to get out and about and put yourself out there to be seen and just get on with life.