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Who's in the right here

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I have raised and looked after our children whilst my husband worked full time. They are now all grown up the youngerst is 18 . We have been arguing and he said he as done it all alone financially, i told him i have bought up the kids alone he said i havent. I remember i said about having our second child and he said, well you will have to look after them. He Said i should of went out to work then if i had a better job and he could of stayed home with them. I only had experience of working with kids so wouldnt of earned good money he as been a sales man worked internally then out on the road which was more money. Told him i shouldn't of wasted 20 years of my life then raising them and i could of had a good job and done more with my life. I never wanted anyone else to raise my kids and didnt wanted to put them all day in a nursery so i chose to stay at hime. He makes me feel bad because i didnt earn money and now i know i shouldnt of had kids with him because i see him for what he is, a horrible man. I look back and do wish i had them later in life and not so young at 22 and wished i had done more with my life. If i knew then what i know now about my husband i would bever of met him after the first date. I think he thinks highly of women who work full time and put there kids all day in a nursery instead of me giving up 20 years of mine to be there for them all the time. Who is in the right here?

Who's in the right here

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It should be a mutual decision made by two people who are in a relationship as to whether one works while the other stays home to look after the kids, just as it's a mutual decision to have them in the first place. Your husband needs to respect your input just as you need to respect his. The fact that you argue about it tells us that you both have different opinions of parenting and marriage and it's something that you guys should have sorted a long time ago. One partner in the marriage has no right to think that they are more important because they earned the money while the other partner stayed home with the kids. Rather, parenting and marriage is a shared responsibility, regardless of who works and who doesn't. You need to look at your considerable efforts of staying home with your children instead of going to work; that way your husband can't make you feel bad for doing a job where there is no pay. He needs to understand, that he could not have achieved what he has without you. It's not so much about which of you could get a better paying job, it's about support for each other and therefore your children. Unfortunately, there are plenty of couples in this situation, but all of the trials of marriage need to shared, supported and communicated to each other for the union to have any success of lasting a lifetime. It's your choice as to what you do now, considering that you have the benefit of hindsight as to who your husband really is, but you need to understand that there's nothing stopping you form achieving more in your life no matter what your circumstances are.

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