I have been romantically involved with my school friend past three years. The first year when we started he never told me he had a marriage commitment with someone. towards the end of first year he went ahead with the marriage and we broke up. three months later he started chasing me again saying it was a commitment he had to fulfill and couldn't break it. I did not give in because I saw the two having fun, clicking pictures, roaming around, and watching movies. He called continuously and messaged day and night for 6 months. Then one day I spoke to him and he told me that in the first month itself he had changed his room and he never got intimate with her because she is a good friend turned wife. He doesn't feel love for her. Care and concern yes! So we kept bouncing back and forth past 1.5 years. Mainly because I didn't like the photography sessions they had and the sharing that took place. Every night past 2 yrs he is with me all night...everything virtual of course. We couldn't meet all this time...just never happened. Last year Nov I got really serious for him because he stopped everything that he was sharing with her. Even washing of clothes and eating at home he stopped. He spent all the time either working or with me. He changed a lot of things for me. Made himself more available for me so that I don't have any insecurities. I became fine and then one day he started fighting with me over my past. I got divorced and have a son. He uses this against me now. He says am not pure and am a bad girl because I spoke to men even if it was a simple hello.I never slept with anyone but still he says that even when my marriage was bad I allowed him to sleep with me and then have the child. But all that was more forceful. There was no love in my marriage. it lasted a year.
Past 4 months I got really insecure and somehow his behaviour of abusing and screaming got into me. I now lose control and start screaming and abusing the wife when he says good things about her or compares me with her. Is it not natural to lose control and feel bad for he is saying this for some other woman. to top it all he tells acts very protective of her and asks me never to abuse or say anything for her when it is between him and me. all these fights he starts. He says because I have a past so I should not have a voice. He has a past as well. He has also lied to me. Just that he is a virgin and hasn't slept or has no kid. Yesterday again he cursed my whole family, my blood, called me dirty and said the wife is very pure and cares for him. All my sacrifices for him and care is gone when he fights. I am so disturbed. There are times when he says we will marry and then there are also times that he tells me my womb is used and will never bear his kid coz am dirty. When we fight, within seconds he says he is fed up and he is stuck. The wife is so nice she never raised her voice, never fights. He says he doesnt know how to get rid off me. Then again in the morning he is back to normal. But today he didnt do the usual things coz he says he is hurt. what about my hurt? What about my pain? I have to bear this other woman living under the same roof while he doesnt have to. He wants to have children but says he cant have coz he is so stuck in love with me yet wont have it with me. My painful past has become even more painful listening to his words of hurt. We love each other very much but I also know it shouldn't be this way. I can't close my eyes to his good words for her and pretend to be normal. It burns me. Please somebody help....suggest what should I do.
What are you doing to your self? I cannot begin to tell you how many red flags are in this message you wrote. If your partner is abusive LEAVE immediately!!! Call police or 911 for help. Your life could be in danger. Secondly, why continue to deal with someone you kmow will mever be committed to you because they made a commitment somewhere else.everybody had a past. Its part of the deal. If that person cant accept that then you should know it may not ne the healthiest place for you to be. I BELIEVE this persom feeds off your weaknesses instead of building up ypur strengths. Im not expert but o say TOXIC RELATIONSHIP!!! Thinl of the pros and cons. Which outweighed the other. It sounds corny but give it a try. Its more helpful sometimes to see in black and white. Good luck
SIMPLIFY your life.
Define yourself define life. Literally...on paper.