I've made a terrible mistake that has broken her trust
I am writing this post in the hopes that someone out there can talk me through what is a very difficult situation to me. I am a Canadian citizen, 31 years of age, and I have been in a long distance relationship with a woman from Bolivia. Things progressed to the point where I wanted to discuss her moving here to be with me. Originally, she was afraid. Afraid that once we started that conversation, we would realise how difficult it would be, how long it would take, and it would ruin things. So I had taken it upon myself to do the research on the process while she worked up the courage to have this conversation with me. Originally, I was unsure which would be the best way to get her into the country, particularly because we had not even discussed how she would want to go about it, so I looked into everything. Study visas, work permits, skilled worker programs, how to apply for medical residency (she is a doctor), immigration, everything. I inundated myself with information. Recently, we finally had the conversation. She informed me that she had a medical diploma which would allow her to apply to practise in Canada, and that she only needed to take a few exams to validate it here. This made the process much easier. I knew that to apply to immigrate from her country, she would need a language proficiency test, and I was absolutely, 100% certain that TOEFL was the proper certificate. I have an excellent memory for details and it turns out I relied on it too much. Instead of going back to recheck the basic details, I got so caught up in excitedly finding out requirements, dates, times, fees and everything else for her validation exams, and encouraging her to sign up for her language test...Tonight she informed me that TOEFL is not acceptable for immigration purposes, and she is correct. Although TOEFL is acceptable for study and work permits, it is not accepted for immigration. I don't know why I was so certain, I really have no good reason for what happened. None at all. I misremembered a ridiculously important fact. The first step in the process. Now she believes I lied to her about my research, she feels like I never really cared about getting her here and making a future with her. She feels betrayed, broken-hearted, and I think she may actually feel hate for me. I do not know what to do. I cannot deny my mistake, even if it is not the mistake she thinks I made. She doesn't want me in her life, but that isn't the biggest issue. Even if she leaves me, I don't want her to be broken. I don't want to ruin her future ability to trust. I don't want her to be in so much pain. I'd really appreciate some guidance here because I am at a loss. If there is a way to save this relationship, I will do ANYTHING to accomplish that. If I have no choice but to move on, I'd like to at least do it in a way in which I can offer her some healing. Please help.
What ? I don't think you did anything wrong ! You made a mistake so what ? Sounded like you ran around and
Tried to help here everywhere you could !
I think this is not a good reason for her to lose trust in you and want you out of her life just for that ?
If she cared about you she would understand it was a mistake !
Maybe she is using this when she really got cold feet about moving.
Have you ever met her in person ?
If you wan to save things, what's the big deal to just start the process over again ?
Maybe others will have other advice
But I really don't think you did anything bad, you tried to help. Her.
There's no way she is a Dr. and would react that way about such a misunderstanding. Her reaction is so severe that I think she was looking for a way out of this "agreement.'
Have you actually MET her?
Have you ever sent her $$?