PeoplesProblems Logo

Confused whether he is the right guy

Default profile image
I am 21 yr old female. I was in a relationship with a 24 year old guy sinve the last two and a half years. He has been very loyal throughout. Our relationship began out of fun with no hopes for future. But as time passed i grew very serious for my career and upgraded myself a lot academically and eventually my views for life changed from an emotional point of view to a practical Point of view. My boyfriend had no career plans but was dependent on his ancestral assets to sell them and set up a business and did not have goals and aims as to become a self made man. His group of friends is also a moderately educated one and ones who have risen with their family business and not with their own efforts. I saw no commitment in my boyfriend ecen after he being elder to me and having promised to take the responsibility.i tried hard to explain him and get him up to a level i desired but after six months of efforts. He didn't put those enough efforts to keep me happy. He took life too lineantly. Hence i broke up seeing our differences right from life philosophies to small daily life things! Then after having a frustrated break with him, i went into another relationship. This time it is my bestfriend whom i know since a year. We bond very well. We are academically same. We have great dreams and goals and Hustle for the same day ans night. He gets involved in my family and genuinely puts in efforts to keep me with him. I'm happy with my current boyfriend. The only dount and guilt in my mind that haunts me is whther i left my ex boyfriend fo him not being employed and leaving him in the difficult phase of his Life? I had been telling him for four months to search a job and do something temporarily but he didn't take the immense efforta to fulfill my expectations. Please suggest whether my guilt is real and I'm at fault or just temporary feelings of guilt?

Confused whether he is the right guy

Default profile image
You need to understand that if you needed and wanted to be with your ex BF, then you still would be, regardless of his career or of his life goals. It was your decision as to whether you accepted him or not, but you really couldn't expect him to change his lifestyle to come up to your expectations. In other words, after 2.5 years together, you either accepted him as he was or you didn't....it's that simple. If you can state that your ex BF was in a difficult phase of his life, then basically, that was his decision to be there, not yours. If your new BF is the right man for you, who shares your values and standards, then you should be putting all of your efforts into your relationship with him rather than be hindered by unnecessary guilt from the past. In conclusion, you need to determine that you are well and truly over your ex BF, because if you aren't, then you're going to find it difficult to contribute successfully to your current relationship, however happy you are. None of us can be successful with a new love if we aren't totally over our previous one.

Confused whether he is the right guy

Default profile image
I would be a true friend to my ex. However I think you might make him feel inferior. This is why you feel guilty. I think you know you made him feel bad about himself. Its okay, we are all human. We are all what we are, because of our past experiences. Perhaps someone in your life impressed this kind of attitude on you. Its a lot of pressure. For some, it motivates them and they become successful like you, But for others.... it takes away their light and their focus. It can almost numb them sometimes. Truth heals all. Maybe you could send him a gift and a card that tells him the truth. Nothing detailed. Just a quick sweet note that makes him feel empowered. Good about himself. Sincere. If you want suggestions of card notes, let me know. It depends on if my reflections are right or not. I could be wrong. Maybe even just a card that says in bold in the center YOU ARE ...and then fill it with positive words and phrases all over. Then, I AM SORRY.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2