DUI - any advice helps
ANDREW45 - Jul 14 2016 at 21:29
I have been struggling with alcohol addiction for a few years now. I was recently convicted of a DUI in California. I am not sure how to start moving on from the guilt and shame that I feel. I am scared to tell my family, friends, worried about my job and future. Luckily no one was hurt but that is still no excuse.
I am too ashamed to even contact a lawyer I am almost paralyzed by fear. Has anyone been through anything similar?
I Went through a DUI in California about 5 years ago. Like you, I felt guilt and shame so severe that it really crippled me for many months. You're first step is going to be to get into court and make your please. A Lawyer can help with this and hide some of the guilt because they can show up in place of you. Showing up myself was honestly more than I could take. Try finding a lawyer you can talk to via email first, they really arent going to be judgemental at all. And fair warning, youre about to get hundreds of lawyer pamphlets in the mail for weeks after the arrest. So if you are hiding it, and arent first to your box, someone will find out. Especially the mailman.
But, the thing that helped most, was the mandatory classes. You'll probably be ordered to many hours at an Occupational Health System or OHS. Its basically group counseling where everybody gets to talk. Best part is, everyone there made the same mistake. And it helped a lot to tell them about the guilt, how terrible it was. And after youre finally done, you never see any of them again. Additionally, the group changes every so often as people finish their stuff and move on.
Just remember, this is important. Just because you made a mistake does not mean you are a bad person. Once you understand that you are still a good person, it will get easier to tell people. After about 8 months I found I had no more problem talking about it to close friends and family. Never told everyone what happened, but you dont need too. Its your life.
I think that the experience that is experienced.... is what we need.
It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of shame.
Its those that do not experience the shame of their actions... that continue to do wrong.
I focus on the word experience because a lot of us go numb. We go through the motions day to day, but we are just motions. Not emotions.
It looks like we are experiencing, and involved.... probably more than others, but the fact is..... we are detached from ourselves, we are detached from truth, we are detached from what is important to us.
Detached, separated from ourselves.
No one is perfect. Understand the truths that you need to understand about yourself and the situation and move on by focusing on WHO YOU TRULY ARE. Truly, you are someone that respects the law, you are someone that cares for other people and couldnt possibly fathom the idea of hurting another, you are someone that is responsible, you are someone that .......
you need to make that list go on and on and on. You need to focus on your IDENTITY. You need to be able to see it infront of you quite often, to remind yourself, to teach yourself, to train yourself, to forgive what wasnt yourself...and you need to believe it.
Art is a fun way to do this. Create and collect art that has words or images or reflections of your TRUE IDENTITY. Posters are a lot of fun!! Be creative. Love it. Love YOU.
In terms of alcohol addictions...
It sounds like there are some roots of understanding that you need to define.
Something made you start drinking. Probably something that you were trying to avoid thinking about.
You were successful. You were freed from having to think about what you didnt want to, and able to focus on whatever you wanted to. Ironically finding clarity in your life.
This desired outcome was on repeat.
Sometimes its good, sometimes its not.
In time you conditioned yourself, trained yourself that these were the actions you needed to take in order to be able to focus.
Alcohol is a type of poison, it kills cells. Its almost as if it clears a path way for you.
A path way.
Could you imagine if we were able to build our own path way?
We can. First you need to completely change the patterns that your mind and body have built. You are deeply conditioned to patterns.
The best way to change them is if you are not on a regular fitness routine.... start one and commit to it daily. Jogs are the the best, they are in nature, you can put your music on, and your free. Morning and afternoon if you can. Now your system is... going to change. The beauty of health routines is that once you effect one area, your body craves more. So start drinking GNC or health store protein shakes with blueberries and other antioxidents.
Get their expert advice on it.
That is your physical. To calm your spirit and direct your focus. Start rebuilding your IDENTITY and your VISION. Your identity is your own definition of who you are. Your vision includes your definition of what is life, and what you want to do with your energy. What is your purpose. What are your interests. What do you care about. What your needs are.
We only have one life to live, and there is a whole world to discover. There is this incredible human body and mind that wants to be fed and that wants to align itself with truth, the real truths in life.
Life is just an infinate number of pieces of puzzle, create great pictures and enjoy others.
Redefine fun my friend. Peace and Respect.
Focus Fights Fear
WHAT IS LOVE
WHAT DO I LOVE
HOW DOES LOVE FEEL
WHAT DO I NEED TO PROTECT MY BODY MIND AND SOUL
WHAT DO I WANT AND NEED TO DO WITH MY ENERGY
WHAT DO I HAVE TIME FOR
WHAT ARE MY PURPOSE (S)
WHO DO I WANT TO BE
HOW DO I WANT TO INTERACT
WHAT DO I NEED TO PROMOTE HEALING OF MY BODY MIND AND SPIRIT
These are some very important questions that we all think we know the answer to, but have you ever stopped to write them down and formulate real answers to?
They are so important, and yet... we dont really take to the time to develop our own definitions!!!
This is life!! The answers to these questions.... need to be on my path... so im going to make sure that they are!! Leaving less room for other things, or contradictory things!!
Another thought to focus on is being
What are you grateful for? Make a huge list. I would add, being caught before you did injure yourself or another.
Stop the shame and focus on ALL of the things you are grateful for. It will bring positive energy back to you, that will calm you, and help your new direction take form in your life.