Losing time with your child after a breakup
Hi...I'm a newly single mom having a hard time dealing with the amount of time I am losing with my son. My son is two years old and me and his father did not work out. He treated me poorly, verbally abused me, made me feel like I had to do everything around the house, and I worked full time. He would time me I had to pay more money toward rent and other expenses meanwhile he would spend his money on fixing a boat, buying a jet ski and an old fire truck. He would spend his time fixing a boat or going on the boat rather that with his family. I would ask him to come to the park or library programs with our son and his would sat no.
Now that we are no longer together I have lost time with my son. Its been really hard for me because since my son was born I put him first. I do things for my self too dont get me wrong. I'm really nervous about the holidays that I would maybe not have my son for christmas morning. What was the point of giving this child all my love, forming a bond just to have it ripped from my hands. I am just wondering how to deal with this situation?
My other problem is that ex refuses to take our son to certain things. My son was invited to a birthday party, but I have to work so I asked my ex if he could take him. He told me that that is not his thing. He gets mad at me when I take our son to library program, which he really enjoys because he says it is cutting into his time with him (even though I said he could come). But then he brings our son to his mothers house when its suppose to be "his time with him". Its a joke. How do I handle these situation? Does my ex have to take our son to these type of things? He seems to think he does what he wants and brings my son along. Not do something for my son and sacrifice a few hours not doing what you want. Isnt that part of parenting?
If I were in this situation...
If the grandmother is nice....and its a loving environment for your son...
I would work on having a positive relationship with my ex's mother. I would have a very positive and productive luncheon with her, where I explained that I knew that my ex was bringing your son to her during his time and you want to work more closely with her. His father can see him there for a visit. Ask her if this is what she thinks is best. Give her leadership...over your consideration.
The more love in his life the better. Focus on this fact, and let his grandmother know this is how you feel. She will be more willing to work with you. It doesn't sound like he cares that much to argue. This way your son wont feel any rejection. Is his grandfather a healthy male role model?
I would communicate and arrange directly with her about when visits are, and the odd times you need someone to watch him, I wouldn't rely too much more than you absolutely need to.
When there are parties that he wants to go to, maybe you can drop him off for a full play day with one of the other kids going to the party. So you can drop him off in the morning, and pick him up when you're finished work. You will have to offer something similar to his friends, host a play date for when other families need it.
He is only 2 years old....but he will be able to learn skills of independence. He will create a strong relationship with himself, because that is who he has to depend on when you're not with him. This will make him strong.
Keep your relationship with his grandmother.... professionally kind. This means.... you have to be very patient, delicate with her, and very kind and respectful. You do not trust her with your personal matters or problems. Keep conversation focused on positive and productive things, light matters.....and make her feel good about herself. She might not have anyone else in her life that does... especially if your ex is how he sounds, uncaring.
And.... library programs ROCK!!!!!!!