Should I continue this relationship?
Recently I met a lovely girl and we get on really well. On our fourth date she lent me her phone and I was shocked to see some sexually explicit photos of her. I asked her about them and she said she had sent them to a stranger on a dating website to gain attention as she suffers with low self esteem.
Now, I'm not sure whether I should carry on seeing her or not. I would appreciate your advice. Thanks.
Take a nice picture of her
Put it in the middle of a blank poster
Surround the picture with all of the words and phrases that describe her. Make it beautiful. Be creative.
If you stay with her or not... you will have improved her life. Given her an accurate mirror of herself. How she should see herself.
Make sure PRINCESS is on there....and all the words that describe what a princess is.
Take the relationship slow... she has to start believing these things for herself... she might latch on to you for validation... she needs to validate herself..... so just be her friend. You might be friends forever....and it seems like this is what she needs.
I missed that there were only 4 dates..... so if you dont have a picture of her.... write her name really nicely.
If you dont want to make it a big poster... make it a card. But it will impact her life... and she will keep it forever... so make it nice.
If she wants more in the relationship... just ask her... if you can just hang out... be friends.... get to know one another.
Intimacy is a celebration of one another, a celebration of love..... right now.... were at respect and care.
Her actions were provocative, for sure. And if you are "shocked" about a girl who sends sexually implicit photos to strangers, then maybe she's not the girl for you.
Look for other such actions. How has she acted these last 4 dates?
If things were reversed, she'd probably run!
Then decide if you want to spend the time developing anything with her.
I would make it your next hang out.
I would bring some craft supplies.
I would create two posters WITH her... one for her... one for myself. We work on our own.. and we help one another.
This way you are helping her see... what REAL fun is again. You will both have fun colouring, and designing etc.
She was so honest about having self esteeme issues so the door is wide open for help.
Both of you working on the project together... and for yourselves....makes her feel less singled out, and there wont be a dependancy on you with her thinking that you are in love with her having said all these things about her.
If you are having fun... i would have another couple posters on the go. The word FUN centered in the middle... and you can collect
all the different things that people do for fun. The word FREEDOM centered in the middle... what does it mean and how do we keep it. The word LOVE centered in the middle, what is is, how should it feel and what do we love?
She is caught up in a reality... not a very good one... and she is likely there becuase something bad happened to her... bad experiences... and too much time with people in this distorted reality... makes it hard to see another... a better... reality. But its not impossible.. she was a little girl once that loved herself and life like a princess does.
You can change her life.... even if you just see her once again to do this project.... but i just have a feeling that you are going to end up being real friends... because you gained the power of knowing you could impact someone so much... and she gained the power of truth... and having been made a better person, helped. They are such super powers.
Friends dont have to see each other every day... i only visit with my friends weekly, monthly, sometimes yearly... im often busy and so are they. But keep in touch with her at least. Every time she thinks of you... she will be drawn to the projects you guys created. But if they are posters... they should go up on the wall to be seen every day.
Everybody just wants love... and this... is Love. You want to give it. You want to get it. I hope you give it. I hope you stick around to be her friend... to get it...to get the kind of love and respect... you earned... just by seeing HER and helping her see herself.
This person needs help. Please reassure her that she's a good person. Stay with her and offer to go with her to counseling. If she's as nice as you say she is, I advise you to give her the support she needs.