I am 33 years old and have been married and with the same woman for 10 years. My issue is my circle of friends and I am not sure where to go or what to do. I had good friends in High school and kept those friends through College but we all sort of went our own ways. When I started dating my wife I became friends with her sisters husband. We knew each other before I started dating his sister in law. We have a group of 3 other guys that we go on Trips with. Different sporting events, golf trips, social trips etc, etc. Over the years he has cheated on his wife non stop. He is also very abrasive when he drinks and we have had several arguments. I also realize that nothing positive has ever come from the friendship. He is very insecure and any chance he has he will put me down. Hanging out with him has actually made me a worse person. As I age I am starting to realize he is very toxic and I honestly cannot stand being around him anymore. He is 37 years old and his entire world is chasing random women and trying to hook up with them. I need to get away from this guy but have no idea how ? I am sort of intertwined with him since our significant others are sisters. We have vacations planned together and my friends are also his friends. I am looking for any advice because if I completely cut contact with this guy a red flag will go up in our family.
There are all kinds of options for you.
There is... help this guy out and help their marriage. He is ill, suffering, incapable of seeing himself, and he doesn't think people see him either. He is in a reality that he created maybe out of boredom, or to perhaps cope with something that happened in his life that has now built him into the person you see today. This option takes a lot of work, and I mean, regular councelling with the right councellor. It will mean that he has to admit that he wants to change, that there is a better life out there, a better reality, that can be his to live. Freedom is very powerful and right now he is not free, he thinks he is by distracting himself with all kinds of things, making freedom a strong desire and motivation for change. Freedom and TRUST in a relationship will help him balance himself. If your sister in law wants to start over then they are going to need a fresh start. Hes in a series of bad habits, that were learned, he can unlearn them.. with focus on his thoughts and behaviours and focus on a new direction. A life filled with ....healthy happy activities.
There is... encourage a fresh start for your sister in law. Divorce.
There is... continue as you have been only engage with him less, detach yourself mentally from engaging with what he says and does, spend more time on your own and with your wife enjoying your vacation. I might suggest doing some of those healthy happy activities with him. Jogging is something that is so powerful to helping us create balance to our minds and body. Jog with him. Then tell everyone that you have something special planned for you and your wife.. and then take time away from the group.
There is... a combination of different pieces of the options.
You should feel good about yourself, even though he puts you down... because you are a built man. Honourable. You know yourself. And now perhaps you will see him as ill and suffering..... with a loud mouth that says whatever crosses his mind... a reflection of him... not you... or any other and every other person that he speaks to. Imagine him as a baby for a moment. Hes just crying.
If you do help your sister in law and brother in law....your vacations 10 years down the road... will be tremendous. You will have helped him find his soul and that.... is saving his life.
He has to see and connect to the reflection that he IS.. and he has to see and connect to reflections of his true nature.. who you know he can be.
This can be done... in passing statements
FILMS - Find a movie that has a character a little like him...Camron Diaz - The Other woman. is a great film!! Watch it together.
Music. Michael Jacksons Man in the mirror. Justin Timberlake Keep Losing my way. Lil Wayne Mirror on wall.
NAS - I know i can, be what i wanna be, if i work hard at it, i'll be where i wanna be