Relatively typical teenage crush problem, thing...
I'm 17, have had only one serious relationship so far, that thing ended badly. Since then, i kissed 3 girls, but that's it, tbh i don't know if it was because i wasn't interested enough, or if they weren't interested enough, but those 3 kisses never got any further. Finally, a month ago i went on a trip with several dozen people to Greece and met this incredibly hot girl that lives a few kilometers away from me. I only creepily looked at her for the first few days, until she approached me and introduced herself, the following 8 days i spent hanging out with her. Unlike 90% of the women i know, she was the one who engaged the conversations and planned the hanging out, which were things i always had to do if i liked a girl. Everyone asked me if we were together, and i'd just say no, when they asked why, i didn't know. Even though it seems like she wanted to hook up, i'm not sure. When two people like each other (at least in my experience), there's this window of opportunity when the guy can approach her and kiss her, with this one, i never had that window of opportunity, we never fought, we stayed right next to each other, we even held hands most of the time and several times she allowed me to sleep next to her when i was drunk, but every time i felt like kissing her, she would do something to divert me from that thought, either a body language thing, or she would say something, either way, she wouldn't give me the chance of kissing her.
We returned to our home country and after i told this to my friends they said she probably just did it for the attention, so i decided to wait and see what she would do, if she really did it for attention, she would forget me as soon as she came home, but no, she sent a message the very second she entered her house.
A month had passed now, i'm not sure why but i message her every 4 days, not one day more or one days less, i guess it just means to me that im not giving her any access attention, in between those 4 days, she sends a message here and then, but not as much as i do to her. I saw her in person twice, the first time i asked her to tell me when she was nearby so we could meet, and she did, but was in a hurry so we just said hi and left. The second time i met her in a club after a birthday party, she was with her sister and no other guys, and when i came up to her, she hugged me with one armed and danced with me until i had to go to the bathroom, after that i wanted to get back to her, but my friend got drunk and lost so i had do search for him.
I had another opportunity to spend an entire day with her yesterday, but i had to skip it because i was incredibly tired, not gonna explain why, too long.
Instead of just messaging her, i keep telling myself "don't, wait for her to message you first", and it's been 5 days now since she messaged me and 3 days until i messaged her.
I have a history of easily getting emotionally attached to girls and i'm not gonna lie, i am attached to this one a lot. The only man she could possible be interested in other than me is really far away and not a problem, but i'm not sure what to do, I feed like messaging her first every time is worthless, but then again, if i just gave up on a girl like this it would destroy me.
What do you guys think I should do, i know it's probably a very common situation, and also very cliche, but hell, i gotta ask someone as i can't trust my friends, they will probably spread the word around and make me look like im desperate. And even though i easily get emotionally attached, most of my friends think she would be perfect for me, reassuring me she it isn't just my weird way of thinking. What do you think about this? Does she like me? Or does she just like the attention (and i made sure i don't give her more attention then the rest of her friends, yet she still stuck around), did any of you had experiences like this one? If you don't think you can help at least share your own story, I would like to hear other people's experiences, thanks in advance.
Wouldn't it be nice if the world just did what they wanted to do because they wanted to do it
Said what they wanted to say because they wanted to say it
Hesitations are built out of fear... out of thinking that there is something wrong with us.
So FOCUS and work on believing that there is nothing wrong with you but that you have so much to offer any girl.
So much energy on strategies... and so little time... having fun....doing what you want to do.
Love is a state of mind... you should be dreaming of spending your time with her... not scheduling texts.
Your love for one another should be powering your life.. to do more, to be more.
You are not alone a lot of people are in similar situations. I wrote this after working with some people on here. Maybe it will help.
There is pressure
Where there's meant to be healing
It's the questions that are not being asked
Or asked when there is no need
Because we are just friends
Friendships the focus beginning to end
A kiss is when
Otherwise we should all love one another
A feeling unknown
And so blown out of scale
But a glorious way to sail
Or ask straight
Are we dating and are we exclusive
An easy answer
Don't be elusive
I'm not looking to tie
You down for life
This space right now
If we can be
You want to get to know me and your invested
Or you are playing the field
There's lots of games for friends
Lets not play with my heart
You are 17 years old
You want to have FUN.
You want to be a PRINCE.
You do not want others to tell you what you should do....there is a lot of pressure to be in relationships.
But a relationship... is just best friends... and thats all you need. You should be discovering your own world right now. Challenging yourself. Learning. Trying new things. Finding out what your talents are. Focusing on your bright future and building towards it.
A girl... can be a wonderful companion... keep her as a friend... and TEACH HER... That she IS a PRINCESS and deserves to be treated like a princess. This way in the future she will either find you as her prince forever... or another prince. One that she measured up to you. Because she never settled for anything less.
At first I found your reply weird, but after reading it a couple times I understood it. Maybe my mistake is thinking about relationships as a chore that i need to work on and build my strategy, when i should look at it as just a game in which i'm meant to have fun. Instead of looking at the clock and thinking when i should text her, i should just text her and have fun. Uhm, no one has ever brought that up, no one ever told me to think about it that way until you came in, thank you so much!
To help you guide yourself...
On a piece of paper write the word PRINCE in the center and then fill the page up with different ideas, words, phrases, examples... of what a PRINCE is.
Brainstorm on this... forever!! Always keeping it a part of your vision... and therefor path and character.
What you write down... if reviewed regularly... becomes a part of you... a strong reminder....of who you are.
Have you seen BIG with Tom Hanks?
It's an excellent film that reminds us that we all want and need and CAN be forever young.
FREEDOM is in truth and defining ourselves and our life.
Define Fun. FREEDOM.Love. and other important words the same way I suggested for Prince.
Anytime you face troubles or a question.....put it on paper and collect ideas around it. Sort out your thoughts. Teach yourself.
Music and film are full of powerful ideas for your life. Make a poster focused around ideas of interest!!!
Life is just an accumulation of projects and experiences...one after another after another after another till we die. So start getting into it. Understanding yourself. Understanding life. Discovery.
I was just thinking about watching a movie, why not take a look :D
I popped it in too. Just to see if I can highlight some points with you.
The beginning of the movie shows clips of every young kids life. A life filled with his friends, games, activities, family, school, chores.
They go to a fair. A fair is a metaphor for life!! Life is a series of games, activities, rides that go up and down, all around, scary and slow, challenges, food, friends, family and community. Were all in it together..experiencing different things.
He finds the ZOLTAR wish machine and makes his wish. Just as an aside note here, he made his decision based on something that he couldn't do. He was unable to ride the roller coaster because he was too small.. and then decided from that point that being BIG was what he wanted. Instead of finding something that he COULD do. I just find this interesting because we tend to make decisions without planning, but based on emotion, ego. Quick decisions that we often regret because he didnt really mean it.. he was just upset.
So he makes his wish. What do we do when we make a decision? We take steps in that direction. In the movie he wakes up BIG, but in life we make a decision and we head straight like a bull in one direction.
Skipping ahead a little, did you notice the huge bridge that he had to go on in the taxi to get to the city? I think that that is a metaphor for the life that he had to leave behind. I think that you are kind of in that stage right now. You are becoming more independent right. You are not in your younger years where you spend your time in school and with your family... you are independent. Needing to trust yourself to carry on the values of life that you your family and school have taught you. Family and school teach us what is important to us, what is important in life, and how to be.
When he gets to the city he finds out really quickly that the world has not followed the path from their youth. People have used their independence and freedom VERY differently.
When he is in the hotel for the first night, he cries. Because its okay to cry, its okay to be afraid, its okay to be sad. But a lot of people grow up and replace those feelings with anger. Which is dangerous. That route means no longer understanding yourself, and not being understood.
When they are in the restaurant eating ice cream I think that they are trying to imply that growing up is controlling ourselves...in this case to be a bit more dignified. Still young and free and happy... but in control.
He starts his new job and his co worker starts talking about all of the other co workers, asks him to slow his work down, not work so hard...these are qualities of someone without INTEGRITY. He also makes a lot of sexual references.. but this is not any interest to TOM, His mind is preoccupied on HEALTHY HAPPY things.
To skip to the main point... is that he wins the adult world. Career, the girl, the lifestyle, everything.. just by being himself. His true innocent self. The person that he was taught to be as a teenager. Life all around him either rejects him, or they adapt to him. The people that reject him are just jealous and the people that adapt to him.... know that they are a better person because of him.
At the end of the film, I hope you relate to the boy that was almost a man... but then found the blessings of being a boy again.
When you do meet a girl and you've kissed....and you want to keep seeing her. Maybe you could watch this movie with her....and discuss it in detail.
It defines life....it's genius and hilarious. Tom Hanks is my favourite actor. All of his films are powerfully insightful.