My baby is my life but I am sooo stressed... what should I do?
I am 25, I've been married for 2.5 years, I have a wonderful baby boy (1yr) and I want to scream! I am stressed up to my eyeballs and whenever I mention this to my husband he laughs at my face and just ignores what I tell him. My husband is useless when it comes to helping me with my son, he works Mon-Sat from 7am-10pm (or so he says he does) but he only makes $500.00 per week. I stress over money all the time because I am the one that handles the finances and since baby came I stopped working (he asked me to do so, and I agreed because daycare is crazy expensive) but I was making twice as much as he does now. I have asked him to stay home and I will go work full time but he refuses, he says that he doesn't want to lose all that he has worked so hard for (which in reality is nothing because he works for his dad in a landscaping company).I have become so impatient and every time my son cries I want to scream and hand him off to the first stranger... I know it sounds like I don't love my son but that's not the case, I honestly love him to death but I just feel like I need a break. I feel like a maid to both my husband and my son. What should I do? I really need advice on this one because I do not want to be angry at my son for being a baby. I want to be the best mother I can be to him but I feel like my husband is just using me and holding me back in life. My marriage is draining my energy and my inner peace and I feel like that's what's causing me to be so angry all the time... does anyone else feel this way? Should I end my marriage or try to make it better for the sake of my son?
I saw I think an Oprah clip on youtube of a family that had 8 babies at once. The solution to their problems was organization.
They had a routine that took care of everything and everyone, satisfying everyone's needs and wants.
Take control and make a routine that includes your husbands help on Sundays to spend time with your son for a half day while you go to the gym for a work out and relaxation maybe a lunch in the park, peace and quiet. Exercise helps us in so many ways. It alleviates a lot of stress and helps us balance ourselves. You will start feeling better really quickly. If you don't want to join a gym, go for a brisk walk or jog and listen to nature, or soothing music. Personally, I prefer to jog alone in nature!!
1 year old now means that you can create a detailed routine and stick to it. It is good for him too. It might take a little for him to get used to it, but he will nap at the same time each day, eat at the same times, listen to the same musical jazz or classical cd that you put on each day, bath at the same time each day,....allowing you to do laundry at the same time, cook and clean at the same times.... before you now it you will be on automatic pilot. You wont have to think about things anymore, which causes stress, you just trust and follow your schedule.
Maximize his nap times. Take time to relax, and meditate, or listen to soothing music. Do some yoga. Read a book. A magazine. But dim the lights a little, and enjoy the quiet. Take baths regularly, they are very relaxing. I love using bath salts and eucalyptus, a very powerful healer.
Its going to be organization that turns this all around for you!!! Write out a schedule.
Making meals for the week helps, or cutting things up and then storing them in the fridge ready to use. If it were me, I would hire someone for a couple hours a week and give them a very detailed list of things to do to help out. It wont cost you more than 20 dollars and you can have so many things done in that time.
Thats my initial response....
"My marriage is draining my energy and my inner peace and I feel like that's what's causing me to be so angry all the time"
Correct! And yes, a heck of a lot of women in your position definitely do feel this way (you're perfectly normal and functional).
Let's leave your wholly innocent mini-me out of this because you know darn well that if you had a supportive spouse, you could then be relaxed enough to feel the love properly AND have enough energy to cope with being what ALL mothers to newborns are - its dependable mouthpiece, body, arms and legs (because it's don't work yet).
Your (hmm) husband's argument isn't about logic and commonsense and, more to the relationship/family-successful point, all team members putting selfish individual wants and preferences aside for the sake of doing what's in the TEAM'S best interests. It's about what HE wants and needs...even though those things don't cut the mustard. IOW, he is not meeting his responsibilities while expecting you to continue to. And HOW UNKIND when your spouse reaches out desperately for your help, clearly at the end of her tether, to laughingly dismiss her! How unkind to YOU *and* - if he stopped and used a bit of bloody intelligence - unkind to your baby!
It looks as if he thinks he's now got you where he wants you so can do what he wants (for himself) over what you want and need (for the good of all), meaning, you're helpless to change it. A lot of immature men have this stupid attitude, forgetting that 'the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world' (this case, your mini world).
Since nature dictates he's supposed to be taking care of you so that you'll have the wherewithal to look after yours AND HIS new and precious cargo yet he's refusing, with all the normal, reasonable complaint channels yielding no joy, let alone empathy, due to nothing but egotism and stubbornness - tell me what chores you have to do in your day that you and your baby could 'manage quite well without, thank-you very much'? Let's get you back your rightful power. Or, should I say, get you back your awareness of it and confidence for using it - rightfully, at that!
Shall we start with having to wash and iron his work (incl leisure) clothing? What else? Let's see the list?