When is enough, enough
I am in my second marriage and have been married for 14 years. At first it was as wonderful as it could be with 5 children around. We both tried very hard to support and care for said children, despite the constant problems that a rose from my husbands ex.
My husband was so supportive through my daughters teenage pregnancy, and then her drug use and several stays in jail to the point we are raising 1 of the 3 children she gave birth to and is now in prisen.
I tried to help mediate the constant turmoil that happened between him and his ex-wife but failed miserably on several occasions.
We had our problems as well such as him hiding his smoking that he had decided to quit on his own. Which lead to hiding porn and computer sites where he would talk to other women about sex. Which lead to hiding his conversations about sex with women friends.
Another thing that was always a problem was his lack of helping around the house, including the yard and care for the cars.
Over time he has gained a lot if weight and because of this problem things are even worse. His health is really declining, and he uses that as a reason not to help or even help him self.
I work 3 jobs as well as care for the house in its entirety, as well as care for my 7 year old grandson, while trying to keep him involved with sports to keep him active.
There's always an excuse when I ask for help, so instead of fighting I do it all myself. No I'm not perfect. But I try hard to do what is needed to take care of my family and make sure our bills are paid and our grandson has what he needs. My husband has been demoted several times. When we met he was an assistant manager at Walmart, now he's an hourly stocker.
But I'm tired. Tired of fighting, the no help, the sneaking, as well as the lack of intimacy. We haven't had sex in 8 months.
I don't know what to do. I have talked to him so many times and it never gets any better. I had hoped when the stress of his ex-wife was over things would get better but it's not. I'm at a cross roads here and I'm not sure what to do, or if it's even fixable. Help. I need some advise
Enough is enough when you're a tired soul from trying to hold up a marriage by yourself. There's only so much you can do and your husband has issues which only he can solve. Sure, you can support him if and when he decides to do something positive it all, but until then, you can talk to him forever with little or no result. He needs professional counseling and medical assistance but it's up to him to make that happen. It's fixable, but with a lot of effort and support and with a two way commitment. The effort that you put in needs to be reciprocated.
When he basically disrespects you in every way, then you need to understand that his actions are talking and you are left with a choice as to whether you hang around to take more abuse or move on to someone who has the NEED to respect you as you deserve. Easy to say and very hard to do. While you are tired, your husband is tired as well but from his own issues and going by your post, he has just given up caring about himself and that being the case, you really can't expect him to care about anyone or anything else and that includes you.
You have a family to support and you need to think about your own health and happiness. You're no good to anyone, including yourself, if you're beaten down in circumstances, which going by your post, are beyond your control.
Thank you Manalone. I appreciate an outside look. Now I guess it's up to me to make the move.