I am female of 37 years old and married for more than 12 years. When i first married him, i know we have been a happy couple but he has a problem with his drinking altitude and for the first time he agreed to quit drinking. He can quit drinking for a year and then drink again. Later when he find a job, he can drink once a month but when he drinks he leave me for the whole weekend and then came full drunk and was very hungry and very tired. He is a good husband, he cares alot to our daughter and very helpful in the house chores. But when he comes to his mood of wanting to drink alcohol he could finds reason to be angry so he can get a reason to argue with me and then ran away to drink beer. By the time he came to that mood he never listens, told me off to go away and saying things that are hurtful like i don't see your face i hate you, even i begged him not to go or stop when i came to me after one day he leave me and he was really full drunk. He cannot listen to me but keeps on drinking and drinking. Sometimes, he comes back many times just to eat like came to house to eat like 12 midnight and then off again to his drinking gang. He came back again like 3am and then off again. He can came back to me when they run out of cash and their local alcohol drinks which they made it. But sometimes, when they have nothing to drink but want to drink more he can even go to his relatives house to borrow money or loan from a store so he can pay back in the coming payday. Most of the time he did not drink alcohol only but go out with other women. One time, he came back and the next day he was sick, this kind of sickness was transmitted through sex. He owned in that mistake he makes and promise that it will never happens again. He understand that all his wrong doings are happened when he was drunk as he cannot control his behaviors. Before he pretend to change for 2-3 months and then back to his drinking habits again. When i told him i need a separation, he begged me and promise again he will never to do it again. But nothing changed, he came worst and worst. In these times, he can scare me attempting to beat me up or asking to stone with him in our hands. when i stone with him he stone back hardly which hurt me. When i said, it hurts please stop it. He replied that i need to train i can able to fight with other women so he force me to stone again.
On last monday, he drinks again and i saw him with one woman and he was calling her darling. In our country, darling only used to your wife and your children. You cannot say it to your friends or other people you like. He also showing off to his friends that he has been slept with two ladies that were stayed in the same place i am staying at. the other girl i found her with him in our room in the dark, but he said they never done anything wrong. He was so drunk and he asked her to sleep with her but then he come to his sense so he told her to go away. But i did not see them sleep together when i came, i just saw him and that lady in our room standing close to the door very close. Yesterday, i told him to leave me alone with my daughter i need a space. He was angry when i told him that and when i was crying telling him that i was hurt and he did comfort me but just ish im tired i know i will leave but i need to sleep. Before i leave my house yesterday, i take my key and told him that he just locked the door when he leave and i have packed your clothes. Please don't ever come back to us, i need a space and i dont want to hurt again. I have a problem is our daughter, she was crying last night when she realized that her daddy has left us. I did not know that she heard me when i told his dad to leave us. Our daughter is 9 years old and she loves her daddy so much. I can tell that she always favors her dad. I told her it is true that i told his dad to leave so he can come to his sense and to realize which life she like. To be his family or his drinking friends. I do hope that this separation will improve him in the end for the better. But very early like 4am in the morning, he came back again and i was feel scared but i come to my sense that i will confront him. When he came he ask for food he was very hungry and he was drunk again and he was crying that saying that i was bad, i know that he doesn't have a place and kid him off. I told him that i am not bad like him, he has a place as he can stay in his mother's house. In our country, we leave in extended family and it was alright to stay with his mother, brothers and sisters. I was feeling scared when he drunk again i do not know if i just give him food and let him go away and not accepting him to come back and he would come back again and got mad and will beat me. So i ask him please come sleep i don't want you to drink again. It turns out again that he is back again to stay with us. I loose hope i know he never change and i really want to move on but i cannot escape and I am planning to save up so next time he drink again I will ran away to another country for a month and then comes back.Please advice me is it worth to save my marriage with this kind of man?
i believe you need to get out im kinda in the same boat as much as i want out of my marriage i cant hes a complete different person when drinking as far as i can tell how did u ge him to leave in hopes he realizes wrong doing at the end of the day is it worth it to you is the real question ive asked myself the same question everyday