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How could he?!?!?!

So my husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 4. We've had our ups and downs (all outside problems that we've had to deal with) and we have gotten through them. I have and still do know 100% that I want to be with him forever and I always felt he thought the same. We didn't think we could have a child but after tests and procedures etc we did and our lovely daughter is now 18 months and is such a happy little thing. The pregnancy was harrowing as I bled heavily several times and the hospital just said I'd have to wait to see if id miscarriage or not (thoughtful eh?!) and the hospital at one point thought she had Down syndrome/Edwards disease but after the procedure that tests for these things and an anxious wait thereof she was/is fine thank the lucky stars! The midwife and several others had told me for the last month that the baby was 3/5's engaged so I was super happy. I then went 12 days over and it turns out she was transverse do they'd all got that wrong and I was told in a very matter of fact way that I'd have to have a c section to which I responded by crying. I also suffer from GAD and was not looked after at all during the pregnancy and birth. The anesthetist f'd up the epidural so I had to go under. They forgot to hook me up to morphine after the op and all sorts of mistakes were made and I was sent home under 24 hrs later cos they needed the bed. I cried and begged for them to let me stay but was refused and just carried out my own bag as my husband carried out baby unchecked in her car seat to our car. Unfortunately I developed PTSD and post natal depression as well as a very nasty episode of GAD and depression and was hospitalized for the first 5 weeks of my daughters life-my poor husband had to look after her on his own, visit me, and work which was just so very hard. Anyway we got through it thank goodness, but since Feb this year ony daughters first birthday my husband said he was really fed up and he didn't know what to do or where he wanted to be which absolutely broke my heart but of course I carried on. It's been like this since then and whenever I asked him to talk about how he was feeling he just said he didn't want to-this was really hard to deal with. He was promoted into a very stressful position at work and has to go to college 2 nights a week and then study at the weekends. I have tried to be supportive during this time but he has been really spiteful to me. He is a moody person on occasion anyway but he's been much worse. I have been looking after our daughter all evenings after I finish work and then I've been taking her out every weekend so he can get his work done. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything as a family which really upsets me and he doesn't want to spend time with just the two of us. I really have tried but I've also been really patient because I know how busy he's been. This has resulted in him saying he doesn't know what he wants. It's tearing him apart, and he has now moved out to get some head space. I have been very patient and have been level headed and when I said

How could he?!?!?!

Difficult pregnancy, traumatic deliver - healthy baby over 18 months ago. Whew, you all got thru this. But NOW he says he doesn't know what he wants and he moves out to get his head straight? Look elsewhere for reasons: other woman? Depressed? overwhelmed with responsibilities? Afraid of a high maintenance wife? Exhausted? Are you on medication currently? Are you stay at home mom, or do you work outside the house? Marital counseling is in order. He owes it to his daughter to figure this out and give you an explanation.

How could he?!?!?!

Thanks for your reply. I agree, there's definitely something else going on but he just won't talk. It was my 40th yesterday and was quite hard without him. But he bought some beautiful gifts from our daughter and he bought me a really expensive watch too. I said I didn't expect anything. He kept saying he hopes I have a lovely day. He offered to take me and my family out for dinner but I said it would be a bit awkward. He also got me two cakes. The only thing he didn't get me was a card. I really don't think he's hd an affair and he's adamant he hasn't. I kept saying I don't think he's right as in I think he's unwell and needs to speak to someone but he won't. He's a very private person. I also said we need to go to marriage counselling but he won't. It's been 8 days since he's moved out but he hasn't said he wants to talk and I've given him opportunities. He just goes to work and then goes back to where he's staying (his sisters) and does more work at home until he goes to bed. He doesn't ask to see Scarlett in the week at all. He hadn't made any plans to do anything with her really (he's a good dad). I don't know how long to give him until I say right let's talk. What do you think?xxx

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