Hello everyone and thank you for allowing me to post and for your reading and thoughts.
I guess my relationship fits the model of so many and after 20 years + together, I feel the end maybe near. We are both 55 and have recently retired from our jobs to work together as self-employed. It really is a 24 / 7 scenario.
If the truth be told, our intimate relationship ended 10 years ago and we became like brother and sister. Our love of companionship was still there.
We have no children and are not married. We legally own 50 % each of the house.
We did begin to bicker over the Years and I felt she was not open with her thoughts because she is reserved and says anything for a quiet life, whereas I am more open with feelings and more confrontational.
She did cheat on me 10 Years ago, but after much hard work, I realised what I was equally responsible and we patched things up. Sometimes I wonder I subconsciously if I resent what happened 10 years ago. I admit that I have been disrespectful with words too, over the Years.
Anyhow, now she wants to quote âput herself first and find new adventures including a spiritual pathwayâ. The strange thing is that we show more respect for each other and the bickering has stopped since this blew up 2 Months ago.
I am cautious and she is impulsive and I am concerned about the future for both of us. If we burn the bridges now, thereâs no going back and we would both be financially hit if we go our separate ways.
We are not so young now and thatâs something I have accepted. However, I always assumed we would be together for life through the good and bad times.
She doesnât seem to acknowledge the crazy and good times we have had. For me, that makes us who we are.
She said to me that she will let me know when she decides what to do. I have said to her that she needs wo with up everything over time and not to rush into changing everything.
In the meantime, I feel that maybe I should be making a Plan B for myself rather than wait for the green light, whenever that comes. On the other hand, I do feel responsible for her wellbeing.
Thanks for any thoughts you may have.
It's not unusual for couples who retire to need to reassess their relationship. You have found it troubling.
But I have to ask if your living like "brother and sister" was agreed upon by BOTH of you. So BOTH of you have no sexual relationships - IN this relationship and outside?
Now, she wants to find herself and explore the outside world.
H-M-M. Either get some couples counseling IF you both want to stay together because this really sounds like a business breakup, not a relationship breakup.
I know how you feel. My wife of sixteen years and I have just separated, against my wishes. I still love her, but my struggles with depression, anxiety and doctor-created drug addiction (Klonopin) created so much stress in our lives that she began emotionally abusing me. Our romantic relationship ended two years before our marriage. I have been despondent since we split. I am trying to deal with it, but any kind of counselling is scarce where I live. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I understand your pain and I hope for the best for both of us.