Hurt and confused
I have been married for 27 years and just discovered that my husband has a completely private part of his life that I wasn't aware of.
It has come out that my husband not only has an obsession with extremely small bathing suits but he has been buying and hiding them from me. So much so that he even went and opened a secret checking account to purchase them on line.
I also found out he is part of a blog site that focuses on the swimsuits. And he has posted pictures of himself wearing these.
Needless to say I feel betrayed and kinda like cheated on. Makes me wonder what else he is hiding. We have talked and he swears it's nothing and he just didn't say anything to me about it because he knows I don't like them.
Now he tells me he wants to wear them on public beaches and I am definitely not comfortable with that.
So, now I am not sure what to do or how I feel. Any advice is appreciated.
Hmmmmmmmm.... boy I don't how to approach that one. Possible bi sexuality? I'd like to summon Soulmate she's a wealth of information. Although now thinking about it now he should be open and honest about what he's doing. No more secrets, you want to know everything.
He said he has come clean and told me everything but for the first time in our whole relationship of over 30 years I feel like I don't trust what he says now. I hate that. He has always been an amazing husband, father and recently papa. I feel so betrayed and he doesn't seem to understand that. Thinks just because it's out now I should just basically move on. I feel broken.....
Maybe he was hiding it from you because he was embarrassed to show that side of himself. Maybe it is just now that you know, he is actually comfortable enough to show it to others as well. I understand that it is difficult to cope with and that it was bad of him to hide it away from you for that long (27 years?!), but still, I think that if you really love him you should respect and support it. And of course, if he really loves you he should respect that you don't want him to wear it around in public, and any other thoughts you should have on the matter.
A couple should support each other. From my point of view this whole bathing suit thing is not as big of a deal. It could have been a lot worse. Either way you should definitely tell him exactly what you feel. A relationship is built on mutual trust, so if you start to doubt other sides of him it is even more important that you have a serious talk about it. He said he has come clean? Then from my point of view, it is your job as a spouse to believe him until proven otherwise.
I guess I left out that my husband wears thong underware. He has our entire relationship. I have never liked them of have been attracted to them. But I have always accepted he did and just left it at that. As far as the swim suits go....over the years they seem to be getting smaller and smaller and now they too are thongs. I do not want to be in public with him wearing these. I have agreed to go to adult beaches with him. I just asked him not to wear them around our kids and grandkids. And that bothers him. (But he agreed). And the whole blog thing bothers me because he is reaching out to other people for support. Asking to "meet" at the beach and stuff so he's not alone. The whole thing does seem silly but I can't help feeling lied and betrayed too. And why is he hiding them now? He travels a lot to different countries where nudity and thongs are popular. It feeds his passion and then he comes home and expects me and his children to get on board. I am just so confused. It's now a trust issue for me...
Some how I get the ball rolling whenever I respond first (just kidding). HOPEFLOATS you might talk to your husband again and tell him about these trust issues and how what he's doing bothers you
Thank you so much for your advice.....I appreciate it!