Lost and alone
I don't know exactly what I expect to get out of this, but I hope that some good may come from it. I do have one request and that is to avoid mentioning Jesus or God. I have nothing against religion but all the advice I get mentions religion and I feel that doesn't work for me ( I am not an atheist however). I apologize if this post ends up being a little long.
I am a 22 year old college student. I am at the point in my life where I feel uncertain about my future. I know many people my age feel this way as well, but I can't help but think my situation is a lot different than that of the average person.
To start, I feel so alone. My closest friends have all graduated or left school for reasons and my family isn't really on good terms with me. This has caused me much distress and has affected my performance in school.
Since I was young I have had this feeling that I was destined to be alone. I have been trying to avoid this outcome by working on myself. I consider myself a kind person. I listen to my friends if they have issues of there own and I go out of my way to ensure that my friends and family are well. I am honestly very sad knowing that anyone close to me is also sad and I try my best to help with anything.
However, being kind is the only thing I have going for me. I am not very intelligent. I'm not very attractive or good looking. I contribute nothing beside being a shoulder to lean on. This goes unappreciated most of the times but to be honest I don't care much for the recognition, though it would be nice. Even though I am there for everyone and even though I try my best to be a good person, these things don't seem to bring me closer to anyone.
This being said, I have always been under the impression that people love being around kind and caring people. However, my experiences have showed this is false. Most people don't care if you are nice to them. It seems you are only appreciated if you have something to offer or if you are good looking or have some sort of status. You could be the most horrible person, but if you have one of the traits above you will never be lacking in company.
None of my friends care about me the way I care about them. No matter how nice and how caring I am, no one seems to care about me. This is also worse when it comes to relationships. No girl have ever loved me in a special way. No one wants to get to know me. They say girls like nice guys but I have found that to be false as well. No one in my life has told me they cared or made any effort to make sure I was ok and that makes me extremely sad.
My family is also very critical of me. My dad especially tells me how much of a disappointment I am because I am in school instead of working. My mom tells my how disappointed she is that I am not in a relationship or with a nice girl. And finally, my brother tells me how much he is disappointed in me for being weak for talking about my feelings.
I have also recently thought about just forgetting everyone and everything and becoming the opposite of what I am now. If no one cares about me then why should I be nice to anyone? Why do I always have to be the nice guy, the shoulder to cry on? Why do I always have to be the bigger person? Why do I always have to go out of my way to put my friends first but they wouldn't even bother to do anything to do the same? Eventually I push aside these thoughts. I assume it's because of pride. If I change then I let the world win. I don't want to let these bad situations change my core.
I try to rationalize this by imagining my self as an example. Not everyone can be happy and not everyone can win. Without sadness how can anyone know what happiness is? Maybe was meant to be alone so people can see me and appreciate what they have. Maybe I am sad so people can have someone to compare how better off they are. Maybe I was meant to be single forever because there needs to be heart ache so people can appreciate love.
Because of these circumstances, I can't imagine things changing anytime soon. I can't imagine someone having a crush on me. I can't imagine anyone being happy to see me. I can't imagine anyone being happy that I messaged them first or thinking about me in general. I can't imagine someone trying to impress me or finding out about my interest. I can't imagine someone caring for me with the same intensity that I care about my friends.
I just wish someone would come into my life and appreciate having me in theirs. I wish someone would show me that I am wrong about thinking the things I do. If someone could go out of there way to be there for me, than maybe I could be happier with my life. I know people say I have to care about myself first but I think that is bull. I honestly think that if someone would come into my life and show me my worth than I would be able to change for the better.
Is there hope for things to change despite me being alone for my whole life?
If I learned something in my life, then it is that people are stupid and always go for the idiots that treat them like trash.
If people are not appreciating you, don't appreciate them either. Treat them like they are barely worth your time and like they can call themselves lucky that you even talk to them. Just think about the coolest kid in school or university. Is that person nice? probably not. Do they seem to care about others? also not. Do they get respected and adored by everybody? definitely.
I'm not saying you have to truly become someone like that. Just don't waste your time ever on people that are not worth it; that don't give you more or equally back from what you invest into them. You don't need to look extremely good or be intelligent. You don't even need to have high self esteem, you just need to act like it. Don't always say "yes" when someone needs a shoulder to cry on. They mostly just abuse your kindness for their own benefit, but when you come to them with problems they suddenly "got no time".
You attract people when you're not easy to reach. When you got some special things about you; it doesn't matter what, just that you look like you're proud to be yourself.
Truth is, if you just wait for people to come to you, nobody will do so. YOU need to go to people. And don't be disappointed if it doesn't work the first, second, or 50th time. Just keep on going to people like:" hey what's up, you're in grade X, right? that's pretty cool, we should hang out sometimes, I know a nice place in town".
Just keep it cool. If you're nervous people will notice and they get insecure or defensive. That's why the most important part is to never stop acting like others can't hurt you with anything, because you're strong.
YIKES! don't rely on your family for a "sanity check," for sure.
You sound like a compassionate, nice person who probably thinks too much. (over analyzes, emotion-driven, living lonely)
Your issue is not new: it just needs a new approach. Change friends. Change habits. Get a new haircut or look. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to smile at a NEW person every day.
You need to show that you are open, approachable and friendly.
Is that something you can do?
No, it's not. Because (four whole days of silence later) he doesn't even have enough faith in life or respect even for his own kind's elders to respond. Isn't that right, LXA01.
Here's the proof [my caps and translatory editing]: "I know people say I have to care about myself first BUT I LIKE TO PLUMP FOR DISMISSING IT AS BULL because I prefer to see it that if someone would come into my life and show me my worth *THEN* I WOULD BE ABLE to change for the better."
Yeah, because that way round would be [wait for it] SO MUCH EASIER, wouldn't it!
Nothing worth anything in this life comes that easy. Tired already? At your age, you don't even know what tired is! So!...You prepared to do the mental hard graft to get what you want and need like the rest of your kind had to or are you just going to stubbornly and closed-mindedly keep trying to do something you can already do standing on your head and are perfectly comfortable with despite doesn't yield the sort of fruit you're after?
'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.' - Albert Einstein.
Wanna get off that ride or shall we measure you for your straitjacket now?
NOBODY can deem themselves a natural-born Rescuer until they've proven they can rescue THEMSELVES first and foremost! You 'ard enuff?!