Having feelings for who you work for
Hello, beforehand I don't want to specific location, age or name to avoid issues. Currently I am a cook who works a few hours a day for this residential place for catholic girls who study in the univeristy near it. What is this place about? mostly roomates, who follow the words of the bible and they live there to be closer their education area, plus the place holds meetings and stuff for these girls to better themselves and be professionals when they leave this place. They only hire female cooks and female maintainance workers, most likely to avoid these exact things.
I have developed feelings for a specific member of this house, now, I am a 23-28 year old woman, who has very strong feelings for one of the girls who is 20-25 years old, in this housing. As everyone knows if you follow the bible the is a really huge percentage you don't believe in homosexuality, and because they do not hire men to avoid these type of situations, it is very likely me confessing would get me fired.
This person is 1 out of 10 of them who live there who mostly always goes by the kitchen and talks with me and all that kind of stuff (I work alone in the kitchen), she is very touchy and likes to get close when one is talking. Anywho, thing is I have no idea what so ever on what to do about this situation, she does show signs of liking me 50% of the time, but sometimes I am not even sure. Thing is, if I express I might get fired, if I don't get fired it will be really awkward staying there so I might end up leaving, and I have no way to simply ask this person her thoughts about gays and lesbians, at least to see her point of view.
I am the kind of person who finds it really hard to find someone to have a relationship with, mostly because I am really focused on my jobs, but this person has got me at her fingertips and doesn't even know it. I have very strong feelings and I see myself thinking of her 8/10 times a day. I would like to see your opinions, your advices, maybe ways/stratergies to start a conversation in one direction and make it go another so I can know what she thinks of gays without actually asking upfront.
Really do not know what to do...
Really, you have not mentioned one incident or gesture on her part that indicates she wants that level of relationship - only exaggerated friendship on her part.
Perhaps she considers you like an older sister or even mother figure.
So - Is this YOUR crush speaking?
Because you are in an environment that is so restrictive about relationships between same sex persons, I'd avoid getting involved with this younger person. Wrong place, wrong person, wrong time.
Your social life should be off campus, anyway.
You're staff, Aluaroma. And that means, regardless of respective ages, you hold a position of trust. Read that again.
That's demonstrated by the very fact these 'digs' not just *avoid* employing males but actually prohibit it (- so no 'most likely' about it!).
Break it and you'd be liable to more than just a firing. And you know it.
Yes, it's a b*tch if feeling this attracted towards someone is a rare occurrence for you. But, then, maybe this is a TEST in the form of a deliberate provocation by way of temptation? You don't have to be religious to realise that's how this world works anyway (tests, challenges...goes around, comes around). Or maybe it was supposed to be a catalyst in terms of bringing the type of individual you are and what you want/need finally to a head so that you'd LEAVE that 'safer', all-female environment? After all, it has to say something, that an environment that basically shouts 'no men allowed' is one that so appealed to you, doesn't it? Maybe you should CEASE being so over-focused on your jobs and get out and about more, maybe THAT'S the message?
See the clues and take the tips, rather than considering significant self-sabotage, would be my advice. Obviously you want your life to change and may be angry with yourself, deeper down, but that doesn't necessitate 'chopping off your entire arm' to get it, does it?