Problem with family
I was born good, but made submissive and silent by bunch of men & women. Main issue started when i was 3 where i was taken to a bathroom by my aunt to show me her bathing. Then started series of events to my family that are unspeakable in public.
I want to get into details of the issues faced by my family, which in turn has affected me emotionally, financially and socially. Most of the dealings outside my family was done without my knowledge, but my guess for it is there is a motive behind all the dealings.
The motive of betraying family being extract money and home from my Grand father, earn little popularity among grand father's brother family and leave me in the middle of all trouble and sorrow that i lost my father, grand father and house.
The above leaves nothing but tears which takes me to the incident that happened when i was three, now I am trying to cope up in middle of all the turmoil created by couple of families and to add to the struggle there is non-sense fiend at work.
One thing that helps is i got a wife whose family is supportive of me and there is a boy born to us day before yesterday. My wife being consoling and helpful financially, but the looks of the wife's family is little deceptive.
At whatever time or place i am in, being haunted and strangled by a sister, a fiend at work, couple of families and wife's family. Food being prepared by my mom, stay at rented home, earn sufficient for monthly living.
How do i get out of the emotional stress caused at various times by various people?
First of all congratulations on the birth of your baby son!
However you seem to be in a lot of turmoil at the moment, and I am a little confused so to clarify...would I be right in saying that, all your troubles started when you were 3? Are you trying to say that you were sexually abused by your aunt? And possibly it went further creating the series of events that you feel are unspeakable in public? And you say you lost your Grandfather, did he care for you? and that is why his brothers family aren't impressed with you as maybe you were in the family home? (sorry if I'm not getting totally what you are saying)
And you say that your wife's family is supportive of you yet then you say they are a little deceptive? and also haunted by them, so are they not supportive? This is a bit confusing to me as well.
And why does your your mum still prepare your food? Does she live with you? or is she just helping out with the new baby? And was your aunt her sister? or your dads and does she know what went on?
Anyway your past is affecting how you are coping at the moment, going right back to age 3. Possibly you were putting that to the back of your mind, but now all the other problems you are facing have possibly brought those memories back. Does your sister know any of this. Maybe if she knew what you are keeping bottled in, whatever issues you have with her, maybe she would understand you a little better.
Does your wife know of what is bothering you? Or are you keeping everything to yourself? Maybe as she was pregnant you didn't want her to worry or be stressed out. But talking can sometimes help, its not the total solution to all problems, but feeling so wound up and stressed, and keeping it to yourself won't solve them either.
Thanks a lot for trying to understand my situation!!!
Sorry for confusing on explaining the stuff about what i am going through. Let me try to be more detail.
I talk to my wife a lot now she knows everything that i am going through but she is little moody and does not like bothering others, maybe afraid that i might get in trouble.
My sister is of no help. She avoids me, wife and my mom so that i get into lot of trouble, maybe that is her plan. Since she is born to my fathers brother. He has been very cunning to me whenever we meet. Sister has done her fair bit of damage to me in the past.
Aunt was my fathers sister. Aunt, my fathers brother are now settled with their lives and treats us like we are poor and not worth caring for.
My mom is living with me, she does not know everything about what i am going through. She is not educated as well, so she can only be of help looking after day to day normal stuff.
The couple of families who avoided me got what they were looking for from my grandfather that is House to be sold, i believe they killed him. But i cannot put a finger and say they did it.
My grandfather did care for me, he was the one who paid for part of my college studies.
Calm, its a sad thing for any child to be abused, in any way, shape or form. Like wintersun, i think i am missing the forest for the tree's. Your among friends, and we cant help you unless you let us. If its more than you wish to share with the world, i among others on here would be happy to help one-on-one, to the best of our abilities.
Calm, you went all over the ball park with kinfolk doing this or that, possible intent and possible senario's. Lets back up and forget all the scenario's and possibilities, and focus on what you know for sure. You said this happened when you were 3. You do realize most folks remember little up till they are 6 or so, just bits and pieces. Im not belittling you or saying it didnt happen, just understand where im coming from. Honesty is the only way the Truth can help. If you can be honest with me, i can and will return the favor.
The Truth thanks for trying to help me, i will be honest to the maximum.
I come from a poor background, my parents are not educated. But they tried their best to educate me. My uncle was very tactical in making my parents believe in him and he conquered our house when i was studying. Way he did was by persuading my grand father to sell because he has got daughters to raise. More upsetting thing was my parents were not allowed to look after their daughters.
These led to my fathers death, he died due to pancreatic cancer. Before my father died, i asked his last wish. He said he wanted to exact revenge on my uncle. This upset me a lot, i was in college by then. After that I struggled a lot to now become a technical consultant in a small time company and married a very moderate girl due to poverty in my house. Their family is big but not very educated. I am more educated but i was committed lot of bad habits due to me being left alone.
That girls family is trying to help me come out of the mess created by my uncle to the maximum, but its not satisfying me. Only thing i feel accomplished is a cute boy we got now. More than that i still feel drained out in emotions because the revenge is still lingering in my mind, i am not able to do it successfully.
Recently i took a long leave in my office to take revenge it sounds crazy that is what all around me feel too, i spent whatever i had and created lot of debts, finally i wanted to go to my uncle house and take revenge, first i paid the amount they paid for my college, next day i asked him what he did to that he said he will pay me later, next i went and asked him why he did all the crime and robbery to me and tried to hit him hard with helmet out of anger but there were his wife and her father who stopped it. uncles wife's sisters came to my house after that and threatened i should be put in nuisance case and they left.
After that they vacated their house and i am unable to locate them. Right now i am so alone and pissed. I am left with my mom, wife and my son to live with other than that there is no one to look after me. Also there is no physical attraction or emotional attraction between me and my wife. We are bound together by chance. We are trying to cope up with life. She cries a lot and gets back to normal. This cycle keeps on repeating. I have been harsh to her at times, but still she loves me a lot. I am unable to leave her and be with her as well. Now i stopped all bad habits and trying to cope with life as it comes.
The girls family is also so pissed and they feel like why they made her marry me. Because now they had to pay for all the debts i created, i have no money now to look after my wife and my son. To add to all this my hand is now broken. But good thing is i started working hopefully within 2 months monetary problem will be solved, hand back to normal.
I hope this reply helps in finding me the answer, if not accurate, somewhat close.