Growing resentful of lazy husband
I have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. My marriage has been filled with many ups and downs (infidelity, intimacy issues, money troubles). Nonetheless,and with the help of a lot of prayer and counseling, I have chosen to stay with him despite these things. I have no doubt that he really loves me.I would venture to say that he loves me more than I love him.
Throughout most of our marriage, I have been the primary bread winner at times making 2-3 times as much as he does. I was recently laid off my job and am looking for employment. He, however, seems to be content with his low wage-paying job and continues to spend as if we are a 2 income househould. There doesn't seem to be any sense of urgency for him to try to better support his family as he sits in bed all day watching TV or on social media. I have had feelings of resentment in the past, and I feel them building up again. How to I express my feelings without belittling him? Am I crazy to want to stay with someone who has not been a good husband in the past or work harder to provide for his family?
You say "I've chosen to stay with him" "Am I crazy to stay with someone who has not been a good husband in the past or work harder to provide for his family" I think you were Less=than=Smart to enable this Boy/Man to be your third child. Wake up!! As the saying goes "You can do bad all by yourself"
Was he in the "Mr. Mom" role all this time? Caring for the kids, housework, school obligations, etc. - and holding a part time job, all while you worked full time in the high paying job?
Or was it YOU who did all the home duties, too?
I'm just curious as to why this has been 10 years of behavior from him and you.
SusieDDQ:He used to do things like drop off and pick up the kids from school everyday and he does some things around the house from time to time. I still did and now do the bulk of the household chores. I have in the past brought these things to his attention. I see change for a little while afterwards, but nothing long lasting. I think it is out of fear for what others will think and my religious background I have excused his behavior and my inaction for so long.
How long do you think you can tolerate his behavior? It doesn't seem to be getting any better and you responsibilities are increasing (by looking for a new job.) Can you wait until your life is an utter disaster before doing anything?
"I think it is out of fear for what others will think and my religious background I have excused his behavior and my inaction for so long."
Two poor reasons:
"I think it is out of fear for what others will think" - guess what, most likely, everyone already KNOWS the situation, believe me.
"and my religious background" - what religion tell you to suffer and waste your life?
Get marriage counseling ASAP. Then you can say that you took steps to save the marriage.