Unhappily married, trapped and crave happiness with someone new
Ive been married 27 years ,had 4 children now grown , my husband became possesive,aggressive,controlling ,abusive,voilent to me as soon as we had our own house.He has made my life hell,i covered most of to everyone ,avoided having friends and became isolated.We have no relationship,looking at him makes me feel sick ,we dont have sex we just basically live in the same house.He wouldnt ever leave as i work and pay all the bills he has epilipsy and plays on it for sympathy.
I dont love him , i know i have nver loved anyone and feel now i really want to.I found myself looking at guys ,wearing make up,lost weight i am ready for someone new but i know he will never leave or let me leave so i am considering options i either sit it out and remain unhappy until he mans up and leaves or even dies which could be 20 years of wait or do i risk being open to having an affair to find a piece of happiness now ?
I find myself being attracted to a neighbour ,he stares at me ,i look at him , my husband talks to him but he looks nervous around me ,recently he noticed me and as i walked near he turned his whole body to say hello ,massive body language and he looked nervous i found it very attractive and feel drawn to him now like im 18 years old again .Im confused what to do im 48 and not getting younger !! ..... Anyone thats been in a similar situation i would appreciate advice as dont have any friends or family other than my kids that i can confide in ,thanks x
What do you mean "he won't let me leave."?
What holds you to him? Assets would be divided, you go on your way and he somehow survives. If you stay you won't survive.
If you don't love your husband anymore and your husband isn't giving you any reason to actually love him, then you need to end your marriage properly. You need to be over it 100% completely before you can find that someone who will love and respect you.
Having an affair now is not the answer, rather it will only cause you (and other people) grief in the long run if you remain married. You describe your husband as abusive and violent, and you don't need to put yourself at risk or give him any opportunity to abuse you further.
You need to be true to yourself and make decisions for you. Just as your husband has choices, you have them as well, but you need to make the right one for yourself. An affair won't solve your issue, rather it will only contribute to your unhappiness.
Frankly, I'm not averse to having an affair if you think you can do it safely. However, you said your husband can be violent. That makes the affair that much more risky. Maybe you should consider moving-out and starting the divorce.
Don't have an affair and tell him that. If he is truly abusive and violent what do you think will happen?
Now when you're alone call the police or someone you can talk to. You can't live in that house knowing you're husband is a very violent man and makes you do everything. NO dont wait till he dies. You will waste all you're years living like that unhappily.
If you like that neighbour and he likes you then dont let your husband stop you. Go talk the neighbour and first tell him about you're husband and how you are unhappy and he wont let you leave. If that neighbour truly is kind he will help you. Who knows maybe you two qill have a nice life in the future
I have marital issues as well, but I am NOT in the same situation as you are in. I pass no judgement for ONLY YOU know whats right for you. Having said that, I will offer my opinion based upon issues that would have a profound affect upon what choices I would make if I were in your situation.
Your kids are adults, you are self-sufficient and in both a loveless and sexless relationship. You have also expressed your desire to feel what you haven't thus far and how your neighbor has made you feel. You have NOT expressed any signs of insensitivity towards your husbands medical issues and I can see no reason for you or anyone else for that matter(not that anyone else's opinion matters) to feel reluctant to make the decision to end your current relationship and allow yourself the opportunity to have the respect, love, desire and passion that could exist with someone else.
You deserve to be happy. Best of luck.
That about sums it up time to see a divorce lawyer. Everyone pretty much spelled it out here. Don't waste anymore time you deserve much happiness at this time in your life.