I'm a 25 year old who has had a relationship for almost three years with the most wonderful guy. He's kind, smart, supportive, loving, caring and a very good person and we mostly share the same values.
Three years in, I don't know what I feel anymore, the "honeymoon", the 'in love' stage ended, for me, six months into the relationship.
I shortly after begun questioning my feelings for him, and if he is someone I can be with until I die.
I think I love him though, but it rarely surfaces. I haven had that love feeling for him in a loooooooong time. I've had it two times in one year...
I was never head over heels 'in love' with him, and I never got crazy attracted(or horny) to him, however, I don't generally, to anyone.
The problem is that I'm getting annoyed with him a lot, I don't find him that interesting anymore, he doesn't exactly make me laugh(I really don't get his humour! And mostly laugh because his jokes are so predictable and bad).
This is a thing that has made me wonder if I can stay with him, because sharing humor and having fun together seems really important in the long run?
I don't miss him when he's away any more, and I'm starting to feel like I'm acting(pretending) emotional responses.
I must mention, that I'm a thinker who thinks way to much about things. During a nornal day I can ask my self; do you really like him? What am I supposed to feel now?
However, I feel trust for him, and he makes me feel safe and he would be an amazing husband and father.
Is that enough?
Is this love, according to your experiences, enough to build a lifelong commitment upon?
Then another problem has surfaced.
There's a guy at our workplace(where my partner, my mother and this said guy works).
There's obvious chemistry between us, we got the same sense of humour and values. He makes me laugh a lot and we converse easily.
We became really good friends quickly. I know he's a really good guy too, kind, caring, respectful and so on.
I didn't feel attracted to him in the beginning, but then again, it's not normal for me to feel attracted to any one before I know them...
Now, I think about him a lot, I get the urge to talk to him and share my thoughts with him. I really enjoy being around him and when I am, I smile all the time.
I'm not in love with him (however, as I mentioned; that doesn't come easily to me, I'm to protective of my self for that) and I've got a mild dose of attraction towards him.
I'm not a "the grass is greener on the other side" kind of girl. I believe in working on relationships, because they are not always easy, for anyone...
I won't leave my current partner for another guy. That is a very stupid thing to do.
But because of this guy and me matching in personality and humour in a way that me and my partner don't, I've begun to further question if my partner is who I want to be with in the long run...
My brain goes around to imagine, on its own accord, how awesome it would be to be around this other guy every day, how much fun we would have, maybe he would make me crazy attracted to him... Any who, it spins out of control, imagining stupid "grass is greener" scenarios that is not sensible to have.
I then give my brain a lecture, by imagining realistic scenarios where this relationship to this other guy does not work...
What I think I could do is to hang out with him more, get to know him even better and see if his future plans matches my future plans.
But that I can do only if I break up with my partner first, my morale tells me so.
My brain is continuously nudging me, saying it is important to get to know this other guy. It wouldn't be strange since we're really good friends...
But my intentions(which are not sex or kissing or hugging!!!) of getting to know him better to know if he would make a good partner would make it not OK according to me.
What should I do?! Should I let my self cross that line, only to get to know this other guy a little better?
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Kind regards, littleraven
One thing at a time: if you really love your BF, you could not imagine life without him. It sounds like you are apathetic about this relationship and could care less if he just left . . .
You should consider letting him go.
Then, there's this "new" guy. Explore that only when you completely free from the past and the comparisons.
Thank you for responding
That is true, I feel apathetic when I think about losing him, breaking up with him, or him being with another girl, or him being the faster of someone elses children.
However, I'm really good at protecting my self from feelings... Maybe I just won't let my self imagine my self hurting(I'm complicated, who isn't?).
Maybe it's a ruff patch, maybe I'm blocking feelings out because I'm afraid he will hurt me, I do this as well... Should have mentioned that in the text
Those qualities are a great start, but you MUST have LOVE also - that crazy, give it all, can't live without you kind of stuff.
I trust you that you will look for another guy with those same qualities but you will be head over heels for him.