Three years together; one child together; she has two more kids living with us
Been living with my now fiancÃ© for three years we have a beautiful 10-month-old baby boy together also we have her two boys ages six and four living with us full-time they call me dad. Which I excepted open arms from the day I met them. I got to say I wouldn't change anything in the world they are awesome I love kids and I make me happy. This last 10 months is been a really long and hard for us was a lot going on in courts between her and her ex and the kids; he's a deadbeat and wants absolutely no involvement whatsoever I say this because he never spends the time with the kids at all and he pays no support whatsoever which is why I call him a deadbeat he since the beginning of my relationship with my fiancÃ© has tried to do nothing but engage in altercations with me by provoking me I'm nor A small guy or big guy; rather I don't put up with any kind of bullshit kind of guy straight shooter if you will. I truly have done nothing but been a rocksolid standup man who doesn't let anybody speak to my fiancÃ© and degrading manner I protect him it's my job my role I excepted it on day one.
We've had a pretty good sex life and I've lately learned that it's all been me that's initiated 100% between us for three years now I've been patient chill laid-back and we've talked about it on a few different occasions and all she tells me she doesn't know why she doesn't and that she says she's just always been that way and she has nothing to say about it At all; early in the relationship that her ex had raped her physically. He emotionally mentally and physically abused this woman my fiancÃ© in such a way that my blood is boiling I'm sitting idling with pent-up anger and aggression towards this man piece of shit if I do boldly say so. She's come along way with my support love affection in every day life that each partner provides for them and their family. it is so hard being in a relationship having a kid together excepting her to two as my own as well Lil been together for three years and not once having her initiate any kind of sexual intention or showing me how she feels for me. She had stated in the beginning during and now he what do I do
her damage is obviously worse than yours...Going and raising heck and hail wont help her will it? It wont, even if you think it will. It will no doubt make you feel better, but will likely compound matters for her...
The quite ones are always the scary ones. If they dont get help, or find a way to resolve the issues, the cancer grows, always quietly. She should seek professional help, i know its hard, i know its taboo, but i also know its true.
Be her voice, man, and be her everything. Abused and raped individuals have such an inner distrust for male figures, and themselves. Your obviously more than that. She likely has shame issues. Allowing her to open all the way up might help. Its easy to say, and wont happen over night, or anytime soon, but once she sense's your the real deal, she might let it out.
If she means anything to you, you already knew the answer, but hopefully, you see now, sometimes we have to be the bigger man, even if it means not kicking the crap out of anybody regardless of size, or dealing with a numb sex/love life...damage is just that. If its real, you will get beyond it, and will do what is required to do so. Love can be bigger than all of that.
Did your wife go to counseling after her involvement with this guy? She was living with an abuser. That has done something to her head, for sure.
You speak a lot about how YOU feel, but very little about how she feels, except that she "doesn't know where this comes from." Time to find out.
Insist on counseling.
PS. 2 young kids and a baby? That is a lot going on. She may even have post-partum depression.
When is the last time the two of you went away for a weekend or even on a date night?