Should I let her go and move on? Mixed signals!
JAMESBREWNY - Aug 22 2016 at 23:07
Background story: There is a girl I met from tinder that I had been in steady pleasant occasionally romantic contact with for a month prior to us meeting ((we couldn't meet sooner because I was out of town for 3.5 weeks)). Anyways, just prior to us meeting she had mentioned that she had had multiple breakdowns at work because of her boss. So when she flaked the first meeting, I didn't take it personal because I figured she has shit going on. Besides when she texted me after mentioning her work stress and problems she still showed an interest in me just in the way she texted me.
We met up under a week after the first planned date. This was a chill walk on the river front during the evening, right before our real date (paddle boarding) we planned for the following afternoon. She had mentioned she was getting some workout equipment on that following day. And she sure enough used a late delivery as her excuse for canceling. There was no apology she simply said she can't go because her stuff just arrived. After this flaking, she didn't respond to 2 additional messages over about a 36 hour span, so then I straight up asked her if she was no longer interested after we met. She finally responded saying how busy she is, and to not take it personal if she doesn't respond or want to hang out right now. After that, I didn't text her for over 4 days, then asked her how life was and if she would be less busy soon. Her response was basically that these days are tough on her emotionally due to some things that happened two years ago, and that she shuts her self down for a few days. I sent her a comforting messaging saying I can relate to that. No response It must be noted that ever since we met she has not asked me how I am or shown any interest. But usually if a girl doesn't like me, she will cut communication off entirely.
So based on everything said, does it sound like that she could be using using her current issues (assuming they exist) to ween me off of her because she finds it too hard to straight up tell me she isn't interested? I asked her and she just said she's busy don't take it personally. So I gave her an easy out, she didn't take it, why is she acting disinterested in conjunction with emotional stuff from 2 years ago. PS its been about 9 days since we met.
Should I just let her go and see if she ever messages me? Or do I give her a week or so, then try one final time? Much appreciated for reading this!
If she shuts herself down for a few days because of past issues, then that's telling you that she isn't over that situation and that she isn't ready for another relationship. Regardless, you need to be able to trust this woman and if you can post here that you're having doubts already then it should be a heads up for you that a relationship with her is most likely going to be a hard slog, for whatever the reasons.
Her actions are speaking and you need to listen to your gut instinct and not so much her words. It's all very well to able to relate to an issue which she may or may not have but if she does, then, her issues are hers and hers alone to sort. You (and anyone else for the matter) can't help her unless she is prepared to help herself.
Given the circumstances, your best advice is to leave the ball in her court and get on with your life.
Thank you for your second opinion. My gut feeling was as you said: "leave the ball in her court" and to move on. If she turns a corner and decides she's interested, great, but it does sound like it would take dedication and a good amount of patience to date her as you suggested.