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Excise my final mind demon!

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Relationship advice Hello,

Before I go any further, please, if you are a female and easily offended just don’t bother with this thread. Whilst I do not intentionally try to cause offense it is a regular occurrence for this topic. There will be female generalisations and stereotypes issued as opinions and facts. I do want this to turn into a feminist debate and it’s not a troll thread so please just ignore it if you are going to be offended.

So, I am a 31 year old male who hasn’t had a relationship for about 6 years. Whilst I don’t feel as though I am particularly missing out on anything I don’t know if there is something wrong with me or I’m just not the kind of person that does relationships.

I am sexually attracted to women but I can’t remember the last time I was emotionally attracted to one. Women just seem to aggravate me long time before they get anywhere near emotional attraction. Their fickle illogical minds baffle me. When there’s (seems) to be a logical course of action women just seem not to take it. When you say something they seem to find hidden meanings behind it like everything you say has allusions to their gender or capabilities as a human.

In the last few years I’ve been through a relatively hard time. Serious family illnesses, I was in a motorcycle crash and a victim of sexual harassment at my last job. This lead me to quiet serious depression. I put on loads of weight and closed in on myself. Whilst in the deepest darkest corners of my depression and my mind I did a hell of a lot of thinking. Contemplating what benefits me in this life and what doesn’t. What has helped me and what’s hindered me. My best times and my worst times.

I came to the conclusion that, APART FROM MY MOTHER BIRTHING ME AND RAISING ME, no female has ever been a benefit to my life. They haven’t been particularly detrimental to my life either. I’ve had girlfriends plenty of times and yea whilst having a blowjob is great. Sex is generally not all it’s cracked up to be. And more often than not the effort you put in doesn’t justify the outcome. Also I find 90% of female genitalia repulsing. Breasts on the other hand REALLY do it for me almost all shapes and sizes. Which means foreplay is great but as soon as they get naked as shove their fanny in my face I am like ‘Naaa mate you’re alright’. As I said this is 90% not all. I did have a gf whose genitalia was attractive to me and I had no problem doing my fair share. Just, is it worth it? When I can buy a flesh light, it feels better over quicker and I don’t have to please back.

When it comes to friendships women just don’t go all the way either. I like to think I am generally higher functioning that average (not smarter!). Meaning I think faster, excel at rapid witty repartee. Think on my feet and generally not dumb. And whilst I certainly can find females that are on or above my level here they are rare (not any rarer than in males). And because they are rare the chances of them having other things in common with me diminishes rapidly. I am a gamer, I play competitive games and have ranked in the world on multiple games. This is an attribute that just doesn’t exist in females. Whilst they play games (and in some games are better than me) they aren’t TRUE gamers. They don’t ‘play multiple competitive games to above average ability’ which is my definition of a gamer. They don’t have the same techno-enthusiasm as me. When a company announces a new GFX card architecture they don’t get excited and watch all the reviews and tech vids. They certainly don’t wanna hear how many gigaflops it has. And this is the kinda thing I do like. This leads me back to thinking I just have no use for females as I can find those enthusiasms in men if not repeatedly then regularly.

Next thing to add is, no, I’m not closet gay. If I was it’d actually make everything much easier but I’m just not attracted to men physically or emotionally. They just are better friends, they understand me, they have the same interests, and they don’t get offended if I refer to them as a male.

Come back to the present. I am coming out of my depression(ish) and I am starting to lose the weight I gained (I gained about 7 stone) and it leads me to think about my future. I would love to have kids one day, have a mortgage and have all those normal things people have. I just don’t think I can deal with a female and there’s no point going out and getting one pregnant as they’ll end up keeping the child. And I refuse to be a weekend father. All or nothing (meaning I just wouldn’t have a child until I knew everything was set up right I wouldn’t abandon).

I am really stuck with my life, I don’t know where to go, what to do. What is wrong with me, I am hoping this is my last skeleton in my closet and it needs to be excised. Thank you if you read all this!

Excise my final mind demon!

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To begin, I don't think there is anything wrong with you that you don't want to be in a relationship. My friends have told me numerous times - there is nothing wrong with being alone, and you need to be happy with yourself first and foremost. My buddy says all the time he wishes he could be single again, and is jealous of me. I don't really share in his feelings since I like the company of women, but I can definitely see where relationships can become stressful, and dating can become depressing.

I think you need to be able to have fun, and think deeply to really appreciate women. If you are a strong, tall, attractive man with a full life and money, then that is probably even better. I would have to say that women respond to me and open up to me a lot better whenever I am in good spirits and not tense. Yes, women say some things and are trying to read between the lines to learn other things - sometimes it can get downright complicated and, at times, psychotic. But then, we men do similar things whenever we are dating a woman and feel like she isn't telling us the whole truth, or go on tangents and direct our negative energy at the people we care about.

For the most part, thinking back to my relationship with my ex... She was good to me. She cared about me, and tried her best to put up with me and be a good partner to me. I think maybe you are a little bit biased in your opinion towards the "illogical thinking" of women. I think everyone is illogical at times. It would be boring if we all talked and acted like stuck-up, arrogant aliens with zero personality. It is fun and individuality that helps to make life more awesome.

I'm sorry for the unfortunate circumstances you've experienced the past couple of years. I have had a lot of depression and anxiety in my life, and have spent lots of time alone thinking about things - for better and worse. I'm sure an accident, sickness of loved ones and other hinderances only add to the stress, but rest assured that even a straight, white guy in his late 20's can experience sadness and be very unhappy with certain aspects of his life. It's how you manage to handle things and bounce back from them, and not let them destroy you.

One time I had a boss, and he said pretty much the same thing as you. Actually, his way with words was more poetic, it was something like: "Every woman you will meet in your life... is a bitch. The only woman worth crying over is your own mother." This despite him having a beautiful wife, and two beautiful daughters. I can't say I fully agree with the saying, but I can agree that there are certain women in your life who will mean more to you and matter a lot more to you than others. The rest are just a mixed bag of regrets, eye-candy, and unattractive ladies who you much prefer not to see in a sexual way and their body ends where their clothes start. But the important thing is that certain women will mean a lot to you.

Sorry, I can't really agree with your statement about female genitals being ugly. Personally, I love pretty much everything about them. I enjoy breasts and all, but honestly they don't really matter to me as much as pussy. I also usually don't want it to end, and care more about the whole act of being with a woman and seeing/touching/feeling/tasting/smelling/hearing than just cumming and getting my own business done. A fleshlight is really no replacement for the real thing. Anyway, at least you can still find women attractive, and haven't completely given up on them. There's nothing necessarily wrong with you for thinking this way, though I don't think you appreciate all of a woman.

You are also wrong about what the definition of a gamer is. Honestly, I don't give a shit about any of that competitive gaming bullshit. If a game is fun, has a great story, good gameplay, or some really innovative ideas I'm interested in it. I actually don't care as much about online games and FPS's, and RTS's, and all of those games that are more about competition or social gaming with friends. I'm not saying you aren't a gamer, but you are only a tiny fraction of what a gamer is. And you are also wrong - my buddy knows a few really hot chicks who are incredibly good at FPS games and even have their own Youtube channels and shit like that. You are just kind of limited in your scope of people and are generalizing. And also... I mean is your love of video games really that damn important when it comes to women???

I also don't really give a shit about gigaflops. I seriously fucking don't. Sorry, only techno-enthusiasts will feel the way you feel about gigaflops. NOT men in general. Because I surely don't give a crap about how many fucking dots light up on my TV screen at a time, unless the difference is huge - in which case even people like me will appreciate it. Somewhere out there, maybe there is some girl who subscribes to PC Magazines and follows incremental updates to technology that outdates itself like 100000 times every second, as well as current and projected industry trends, either because she has to for her job, or because it is something that she is interested in. Anyway, I would say that for the majority, what you are talking about is kind of geeky and far-removed from actual daily life. Don't expect most people to be as into this thing as you are, though maybe some lady will be happy that you are so into it and support your love of gigaflops and terabytes and T1 Lines.

I get it, you can usually bond with dudes better and talk about guy stuff. I don't think you are a closet gay, you just maybe aren't into women in the ways that some other guys are.

Not all women are monsters who will take your kid away and rape you in child support and make it difficult for you to be in the kid's life. You know the thing is, just like dudes are different - some like gigaflops and boobs and competitive gaming; while some like good music, pussy and RPGs - women are different, too. That might seem hard to believe, but it's true, and it's great. While the general female population might be difficult and irritating at times, individual women may deviate drastically from the norm in various areas. Maybe you'll find someone who views things kind of the same way you do and you will click - or maybe they will view things drastically different than you do and somehow you will still also click.

Anyway, I tried to respond to each of your paragraphs here, so I apologize for the lengthy response. But I think the thing is, nobody is perfect and life isn't perfect, but you need to figure out what it is that you'd absolutely love to have in your life, and then have an open mind and leave some wiggle-room for the unexpected.

My one friend had an ex who was crazy. He loved that about her. But she also cheated on him, and lies to him, and uses him. My other friend is with a woman who isn't right at all for him, and who he doesn't seem to have fun with, but he is determined to stick with her. My ex and I just ended up arguing a lot and had too much of an age-difference. But these are just some negatives - some things about those relationships were positive. But maybe the negatives outweighed the positives too much. The thing is, you should be with someone who suits you, and who you can have fun with, and who respects you. That's essentially it. And if your relationship doesn't fit the norm? Doesn't matter, do what works for you!

Excise my final mind demon!

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Thanks for the reply it was very much what I was hoping for.

I must say I cannot remember the last time I was told I was wrong so much. It was quite a humbling experience!

I think I get your point, “if I want it don’t let my notions get in the way and if I don’t – don’t worry about it”. This is some good advice and I definitely will be taking it on-board. Perhaps not needing a partner is not the same as it not being of benefit. I might try to stop having archetypal criteria for a female. Without it however I am unsure as to how to protect myself from the psychos out there and the gold diggers. I very much do not want to spend my money on a female just because I am the man. It’s supposed to be equality, everything should be exactly 50-50!

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