Forgiving my ex
How can you forgive someone that you have loved for so long for betraying you in the end of it all? How can you get over it/Him?
I was with my ex for five years and he was my very first serious relationship and I loved him more than I loved myself. I made major sacrificea and compromises to keep the integrity of our relationship going.
Nobody in my family liked him becauze they could see how our relationship as one sided and he did not put forth any effort into the relationship like I did. Because of all the stress of being with him I gained damn near 200 lbs, and I went on numerous nervous break downs and end up having to take depression and anxiety medicine.
The whole time I was with him, there aS no stability and we constantly house hopped and we were homeless twice. We went through a lot of things together and he kept convincing me that nobody was wanting to hire him anywhere.
I broke up with him a few times so he would get it together because I was tired of doing everything and not having anything for myself and he redeemed himself and got a job and he helped me get a car. All we had to do was put two more paychecks together and we could finally have a home to ourselves after five years of b.s..
He decided to leave me for a woman who knew we were together and yet she still dated him. Afterwards, he kept trying to get back with me while he was with her and he kept playing games with us both. I finally stood my ground and I sidnt get back with him and it's been six months now...
But I feel like I still love him and miss him sometimes and I still feel an uncontrollable rage against the woman who homewrecked us. Was it easy for anyone to get over stuff like this if they want through it?
I'm tired and really want to go to bed, but alright, one more response. You seem like you could use it. This will be much shorter than the other ones I've made tonight.
First of all... I don't know much about this other woman, but I would say don't blame her.
The thing is, he made the decision to date her while he was with you. If you two were together when he was dating her, and hadn't taken a break or broken up beforehand, he made that choice to stray. Maybe she tempted him - again this is where the I don't know her very well part comes into play. She might be a decent woman who realized your relationship was crashing, and she could have even been in a similar situation, and made a selfish choice because she thought he was ready to move on from you and be with her.
I had trouble finding work sometimes when I was with my ex, but I always tried to have a job. It wasn't a glamorous job, but it paid the bills. We fought a lot over it, especially because we worked different shifts and she was not okay with it.
It's cool that he helped you to buy a car.
I guess one other question I have is, did he really put no effort into the relationship?
I think looking back on my own relationship, my ex would even say that I put effort into our relationship. I did little things for her to show I cared. I even married her and went to a tech school for her, though I wasn't sure it was something I wanted for myself. I would have stayed with her despite being unhappy with many aspects of my life, because I didn't want to hurt her or lose her. Maybe your man felt similarly. I have no idea. Or maybe he saw a piece of ass staring him in the face and just jumped on that shit without second thought? You broke up and got back together a bunch of times, maybe this all developed while you weren't together?
It's kind of crappy that nobody in your family liked him. People in my family told me they didn't like my ex after we broke up. I felt a little crushed, but at the same time felt like maybe they realized things I was too blind to notice when I was with her. Like how she liked to speak for me sometimes.
It is normal to have feelings for someone you loved. Feelings change, but I guess part of you will always love that person and the time you shared. Sometimes, I miss my ex. The last time I saw her she looked so cute, and I felt my heart sink a little because I knew our relationship died. There's times where, I think about asking her if we can have sex again, because I miss our intimacy. But the last time we did, shortly after we broke up, things didn't end so well. It hurts, especially when you haven't managed to meet someone else. But it is what it is, and life is unpredictable. All you can do is take it as each day comes. And, at least, maybe you can stay on good terms with this person and remain friends. After all, you loved them enough to put yourself through hell with them for years, so why just kick them out of your life altogether?
For now, I think you should do what I am trying to do. Try to finish unfinished business and move on with your life. Maintain a positive line of communication with your ex and try to be friends, or something close to it. Don't hold a grudge, and realize we are all human and have wants, needs and desires. We all have pain and regrets and wishes. Meet new people, but don't just rush right into a new relationship right yet. Focus on yourself, fix yourself. Enjoy the freedom of being single and unattached, and improve yourself as a person. Spend time with loved ones. And figure out what you want from this next chapter of your life. But know that it is okay to feel these feelings.