Dating for a month and now says if i don't marry in time it might be too late
JAY90 - Aug 30 2016 at 11:09
i've been dating a guy for a little over a month now and yesterday he randomly says that if i don't marry him in time it might be too late.
of course an argument follows and i ultimately told him i wasn't ready for that step but liked him and wanted us to grow together and when the time was right we'd get married. he says that if i really liked him i'd marry him right now (he also adds that he's been waiting 4 weeks for me to ask, even though we've known each other for like 6 weeks) and says that me not marrying him right now is closing the doors for him to meet someone who will.
i walk away upset after telling him good luck finding someone that will marry you after a month of knowing you and then he texts me shortly after saying that he already has met someone that will, someone that he apparently knew before we met and said that this guy asked after 3 weeks.. and he told me "that means he likes me more than you do" and he added that all he has to do is get in touch with him and say he's "ready".
now here's the thing, he's currently not a legal citizen of the united states and has stayed passed his visa. when we first met he never mentioned anything about marriage other than that he would never get married...
he's been working with lawyers to try and get legal status but so far hasn't had any luck.
now he says this to me. i feel mislead. he says it isn't because of the fact he's not currently legal here. when i brought up what he told me when we first met about him not wanting to marry (and i was okay with this, it isn't a requirement for me) he said "not everything people say they completely mean it" and then goes on to say that he really wants to marry me and that he means it. and he's accusing me of being insulting and judgemental because i don't believe him and am expressing how i feel saying everything i'm writing on here.
this is really hard to take in because he's been treating me well since the beginning and seems very patient aside from this situation right here. he never yells at me or anything, takes care of me and wants me to be well.
i just want peoples opinions on this. i feel that if i was worth it to him he'd wait for me to be ready to marry but that's not good enough for him. i'm still upset and hurt and have a lot on my mind. hearing other peoples view on this will help,
It's too obvious that all he's after is US citizenship, merely under the *guise* of wanting love/a relationship, in which case - DAMN right you feel misled! And he can say whatever he likes until he's Blue in the face, his actions on the other hand are just too damned transparent.
With that the case, of COURSE he'd bust a gut to treat you well and as speedily and thoroughly as possible - while he was still thinking there was a chance his false wooing would work to make you want to agree, that is. Being so reliant on you where concerned his staying in that country, he wouldn't have been able to AFFORD to show you any 'warts'. Now that he's reached desperation point and can see niceness hasn't worked, however, it's a whole different story, note, including the following emotional coersion attempt:
" and he told me "that means he likes me more than you do" and he added that all he has to do is get in touch with him and say he's "ready"."
Then why hasn't he just done that already! Answer: because it's BS, there ISN'T any other sucker on the scene! There's you and that's all.
Obviously his concerted wooing has managed to convince you somewhat. But you do KNOW deeper down what's going on.
Dump the Grade A con merchant. And block his numbers and anything else whilst you're at it.
I want to preface this by saying... Do not marry, at all. Lol. That is just my feelings on marriage at the moment in general.
What makes your situation so distressing is that you say this person was wonderful up until you rejected his marriage proposal. It is the one thing that suggests, perhaps, this person may not simply be a con artist as soulmate suggests. Why would someone just turn on you like that? It is possible that marriage is a really big deal to this guy, or that he feels like you would care enough about him to want to save him from being deported by marrying him.
Or else, he is just a con artist. And is using you. Big-time.
The fact that this guy already knows some other guy who is ready and willing to marry him raises a lot of red flags for me. If that guy was so willing to marry him, why isn't he still with that guy? I mean, I know relationships can get complicated... But it's really disturbing that he went from one prospective marriage partner to another like that, and apparently hasn't given you a good enough reason for why that is.
My take on this? I think you are in the right to not want to marry someone after 6 weeks. Marriage is scary, and complex. It made my last relationship much more complicated, and led me to realize that maybe I wasn't with the right person for me. If you marry this guy, maybe the same thing will happen to you. Maybe you will marry him and the results will be worse - he'll get his green card and say goodbye.
He should have been honest when you met about his thoughts on marriage. Now, he has put you in a really difficult position, and has made himself look suspicious. It is your decision how you want to proceed, but I wouldn't advise tying the knot like that.