I think I'm crazy
KUNAKA - Sep 1 2016 at 21:26
I met someone ( Peter )via a friend ( Let's call her Jane )and Peter and I are in different countries. We started communicating via whatsapp and Skype. We communicate every day. I have not yet met him, he will be visiting in October. He made it clear from the very begining that he does not want any form of a commitment.
Where he is, he is seeing other people and he said he doesn't mind if I see other people as well. Jane and Peter are life long friends who have known each other since childhood. Peter once mentioned that him and Jane had been intiasmate on one occassion. This past weekend, Jane's cousin had a wedding and so Jane went to stay with Peter for the weekend because the wedding was in the town that Peter lives in. I had told Peter that I wasn't very comfortable about this. He asked me what he could do to make me feel more comfortable. He said that he would talk to her and tell her that sex with her was off the table.
Why am I even in this thing ?
Why do you like Peter?
Apparently this man has some qualities that you really like, or else I assume you wouldn't be "in this thing" with him.
...At the same time, you think there is a "thing". Peter does not even see it that way. He doesn't want a commitment (or is convincing you or himself that he doesn't), yet he is carrying on this communication with you regularly. You have...at least some sort of friendship, with this guy. But based off of what we know, you are the only one who views this as something more than flirting or unattached romance. It's one-sided.
Do you feel like you want Peter because you could change him? Or are you attracted to Peter because he isn't tied down? Maybe it's a mix of the two things: You are drawn to his uncompromising and manly need to take many women but refuse to be controlled by one; yet at the same time you feel like you could be woman enough to put up with such a liberated man and admire his charm.
Open relationships seem challenging in many ways, yet rewarding in others. Your post doesn't really suggest whether you feel one way or the other about the arrangement. My guess is you're conflicted, which is perfectly normal because there are drawbacks and positive aspects to both monogamy and polygamy. Of course, let's be clear: Once again, you might not be in any sort of relationship with this man and he may not view what you have as even just a polygamous, open relationship.
What makes me unsure of Peter's feelings towards you? Well, he may care very strongly about you, at least as a good friend. I say this because he wants to try and make you feel more comfortable about Jane spending a few nights with him. Peter is willing to take sex off of the table where your feelings are concerned. (Or at least, he claims as much.) So... It's possible he might view you as something more than "just another woman."
My final thing I want to ask is, why are you carrying on something with a man that lives in another country?
Is there any way you could ever plan to meet and have a relationship or flings with him, or do you view this as some kind of safe way of "being" with him?
Have you ever met? Do you want to meet? And do you think matters would be different, for either of you, if you knew each other in person and spent time together?
It looks like you have a lot of pros and cons to weigh here.