Have I wasted six years of my life
FINDING_PIECES - Sep 3 2016 at 03:23
Hi. I'm a 25 year old woman with a 36 year old boyfriend. We met six years ago a few months before my son turned one. He was sweet and took right away to my son. He was like fresh air after being n a horrible relationship. After about a year things changed or his true colors started to show. He started to be angry all the time kicking in doors punishing holes n doors yelling cursing telling me what to wear that I've gained weight how he pays most of the bills reminding me that my son isn't his ect. I've always tried to make it work trying to find the men I met n the coldness he shows. Last year I felt I had enough I wanted to be happy again. I started talking to a guy I know he made me feel like a woman. We never slept together but I did go out with him one night and slept over at his house. Ever since my boyfriend has been worst. He throws the guy n my face makes me feel low when I break down and cry he stands over me and keep yelling things. I've asked for his forgiveness he would say he has but never shows it. Even before talking to the other guy I would beg him to be nicer to me. To show me he loves me. I would write letters send text plan dates yet he wouldn't treat me as if I worthy of being loved. He tells me him not being loving towards me was no reason for me to turn to another man. He actually makes me feel like I deserve what he issue. Idk what to do part of me loves him too much to leave the other part feel I deserve happiness and my son should c how a man really suppose to treat a lady.
This guy has some serious anger and control issues and given his age at 36, he most likely won't change. His behavior and his actions scream at you that he is possibly one the most damaging individuals to be around full stop. To be frank, you're better off by yourself than being with him and copping his abuse.
While you look for the part of you that loves him, you need to step back and look at your unhappiness and misery and look at your choices when you decide on a man who knows how to treat a woman. You have erred on the side by going with someone else and even though you remained faithful to your BF, you have enraged him further by actually emotionally 'cheating' on him. Small wonder he's worse than ever and going by your post, you need to look out for your safety.
While you deserve a man who will walk beside you, you also owe it yourself AND to your son to choose a partner who shares your values and standards and a partner who supports you and your son 100%. If you decide to be happy, then you need to take those first steps to achieving it without looking back over your shoulder to what you did have.
Forget about asking your BF for forgiveness, you need to forgive yourself and you need to be true to yourself for the sake of your son. You're absolutely more than correct when you state that your son should see how a decent man treats a lady but you need to choose an environment with a supportive partner where it's a given and not an expectation.
Your son is the most important person in this whole scenario but he needs you to be happy, healthy and secure to be the same.
Have some questions....
1) why do you stay with your bf when you're obviously not happy with him
2) why would you beg him, or anyone else, to show you love and kindness that's not given freely
3) why would you look outside of the relationship, regardless of "physical" actions, BEFORE ending the relationship first
4) why do you keep picking these men that "seem" good to and for you, but aren't
A lot depends on how you answer those questions. It doesn't matter what the answers are, and only you know the truth about any of it. But ask yourself those, and any other questions that his situation has brought to light.
That said... I can't imagine why you would even want to stay. They last six years were only wasted if you learned nothing to take forward with you. So, the real question is:
Do you want to "waste" another minute, hour, day year, or six years staying with someone that you're unhappy with? All the while, showing your child everything a loving relationship SHOULDN'T be?
I think that answer is clear, and wish you luck and safety in taking what you've learned, and moving on. Call on your network of family, friends, and local agencies that can help you get out on your safely. Best of luck and plz keep us posted?