Is it me or him?
ABCD1234 - Sep 3 2016 at 22:50
We've only been married a little over a year, and we fight constantly. It seems I come home every day to SOMETHING that I have no idea how any normal adult could do. He leaves to door unlocked, turns AC on with the windows open still, breaks my nice things, makes messes and doesn't clean them up, is a general slob, and doesn't care that any of it upsets me.
Also, I am NEVER a priority in his life. He will go to the grocery store and not think to buy anything for US, he just buys what he wants and says I can go and get whatever I want later. The list goes on. He thinks about himself only. In turn, I get so mad and feel like I'm the only one that notices. When I tell him my feelings are hurt, he won't apologize, he just tells me why he's right.
I can't handle feeling like he doesn't think I'm a priority in his life and I'm tired of yelling about it. Am I being crazy? Should I look past it? Should I stay and tolerate it?
Regardless that your husband is selfish and self centred, you need to understand that he isn't honoring his marriage vows. If he has never been taught the fundamentals of sharing then it's too late to teach him now. That being said, the most telling result of all this is that he doesn't care if his actions upset you, his wife.
If this man loved and respected you, he would be at least be listening to you, and acknowledging your opinion regardless if he's a general slob. In other words, he would be having a go at supporting you and learning to live with you and striving to keep you happy and content, just as you have been attempting to.
You have ongoing conflict in your relationship and you have identified why but you will never get him to apologize if he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. It's up to you if you need to stay with him and tolerate it, just as it's up to you whether you make a decision to divorce and move on because there's no way you can remain with him and be happy going by your post.
You're not being crazy, rather you are reacting in a normal way to where you find yourself in a one sided relationship. If you're not his priority,(his actions tell you this)and you're tired of yelling about it, then you need to direct your efforts into finding that man who shares your values and respects you in every way.
And with that being said maybe you should put that out there to your husband. Maybe that'll change his attitude. Tell him you want to divorce see what happens.
My husband was exactly like that and worse. Because he is a narcissist. Through the years, one thing works, hopefully it works for you too. I write short polite notes and stick it to where the reminder should be. Stick a note "Please lock the door, thank you" on the door above the door knob. "Please close the windows when you turn on the A/C" stick it near the switch of the A/C.
If he doesn't buy stuff when he's at the grocery, then you just got to buy your own stuff. It's too bad we end up with this kind of a spouse.
Either you have the courage to end the relationship or you just have to settle into it.
If you choose to continue with him, think "selfishly" well in a way.
Buy nice things not for "us" because when he breaks them, you'll be triggered.
But you can, of course, buy yourself something pretty to cheer yourself up.
I don't need to be his priority.
What I need is I am my priority.
It sounds selfish.. But this is the only way to go on living with this personality type.
Best blessings to you.