That common attraction
LULU2613 - Sep 4 2016 at 03:23
I have developed an unwanted, sudden, and unexpected attraction to my boss. It literally just came out of nowhere, I just went to sleep one night and I had this slightly erotic mostly fluffy dream about her. And now I have these fantasies about her and I just want them to stop. I don't want to want her. She's at least 20 years my senior, married, and did I mention my boss? And I am a single nineteen year old sexually confused female. Usually I am the one giving advice not recieveing, but I will admit if I need help. Like now. This has been consuming my mind and interfering with my work even when she's not there. Please I really need some advice.
First, don't jeopardize your job.
Second, take it that she is straight and has no inclinations toward bi-sexuality.
Third, try and convert the "lust" to "love" for an older sister or mum.
Hope you'll work it out eventually.
Thank you seen-thru for the advice. I have had this happen to me before with a few other people and I have never acted on it because of the consequences. This time is different because it's my boss, but with that also the price is higher than before and it's not a price I am willing to pay. I have tried to do the third piece of your advice it hasn't actually work.
Maybe try to view her as someone you look up to, kind of this sexy and independent woman that you aspire to be more like one day?
I guess your boss's personality probably means a lot to why you see her this way. Do you think she would ever be interested in such a thing? Of course, you say you don't want her. Maybe you are bisexual, but just don't have a lot of really attractive women around, so you've kind of zeroed in on attractive qualities that your boss has?
I remember like 8 years ago I had this boss at a grocery store for a while. She was kind of bitchy, but she had this red hair... And I don't know, maybe there was a slight attraction there that I hadn't fully realized? Of course it was awkward, because people I didn't really get along with from school also worked there, and had been there a lot longer. The woman was about twice my age, and she was angry with me half of the time anyway. But I understand all too well - sometimes we are excited by the idea of some somewhat attractive person, usually in a position of power over or under us, doing something taboo with us.
Don't do anything to jeopardize your job. But maybe keep a look-out for other people who might want to have fun, or even enter a relationship with you. And try not to rule out people who you might otherwise overlook if you're not thinking about it enough!
What a tough situation. Thanks for reaching out for help before you say or do something you regret! Self restraint is such an important characteristic and it seems like you are able to use it - even when it is hard!
Unrequited love is the hardest to get over, so count yourself normal that you can't just "will" yourself to stop in a moment. It does take determination, will power, and effort but you will thank yourself in the long run! One thing that I've found helpful in many situations in life is to play the "what if.." game. I start by whatever situation is going on, and go the next step in my mind...what if...then what if...then what if... In this situation I think you will find that EVEN if you would get what your heart is saying it wants...it really isn't that appealing. This might help your mind get from fantasy to reality.
You mentioned that you are a "sexually confused" female. That might be a big part of the issue here, even more than the women who is your boss. Perhaps reaching out for some help in understanding your own body and feelings would be a really good next step as well. There are two websites that might be of interest to you: http://www.livingout.org/
I found some of the testimonials really inspiring and they reminded me a bit of your story.
Again, I really want you to know that reaching out for advice/help before you say or do anything is really admirable. You have more strength than you know! Stay strong and keep seeking help and support.
I hope this helps a little!