Possessive and controlling mother in law
Hi! My mother in law abuses me emotionally all the time. I am at home whole day. I can't bear it. She don't even care that I am pregnant. She is angry, sad , irritated that I am pregnant. She is very possessive about my husband, kitchen, cooking, home. Whenever I cook or sit with my husband or talk and laugh sitting with him or go out with him, she is very angry and verbally abuses me, makes fun of me when my husband is not there. She behaves as if she is my husband's first wife and I am the second. Her husband expired 20 years ago. So I can understand but her emotional abuse is too much and she literally use very bad abusing words. I really can't bear it. She is alone so we can't leave her alone. I feel like hitting her on her face when she verbally abuses, makes fun of me, taunts me or calls my husband for anything when I sit with him. She is very cunning. I and my husband did many things in the beginning to make her feel wanted and we thought that she must be feeling ignored.But all efforts gone waste. My husband tried a lot to make her understand, by anger and politely. But all got waste. She wants all control over house, my husband. She makes me feel left out as if I m not the family member. When she can't control anything she becomes irritated and more aggressive, abusing and all. She tries her best to make us fight. If that don't happen she abuses me a lot. To be very true I want her to die soon. I am fed up. Don't know what to do. Please suggest what to do and how I can feel better inspite of her misdoings to me.
Have you told your husband about this? What do you think will happen when you bring a baby into the mix?
Whose home is this? (owner?)
Get her an apartment or a roomate - or you two move.
"Please suggest what to do..."
From what I understand is that you and your husband can't leave her because she is all alone.
And I believe that even if your husband is the owner of the house, she still holds the authority over the two of you.
If she is the owner, then more so.
I'm sorry to say so, but when your baby comes along, she will have plenty of "good advice" which will you have to accept.
This is going to be tough and you need to persevere to achieve any change.
She feels threatened by you. She has one whole son until you come along. Now she has to share her son with you. She feels insecure.
Action speaks louder than words. Show her by your action that she can have her son anytime. If she wants to talk to her son more (let's say during dinner) let her, do it gracefully. He is her son afterall. If your bedtime is 10pm, bring it forward to 9pm. Close the bedroom door at 9pm.. Spend loving time with your husband and fall asleep in each other's arms. Once the bedroom door is closed, you can do your loving, which cannot be replaced, not by his mother
You see, you do have the upper hand. You need not fight with her for your husband's attention.
When she's angry, go deep within yourself... It's her ball of anger... she throws the ball at you, why catch it?
Remind yourself "I'm not catching it."
While she focuses on her anger/abuse, (learn focus from her) you focus on whatever you're doing on hand at that precise moment.
By and by, your husband and his mother will see a change in you.
To any abuser, when they get no reaction from their victim, they do it less and less and they might just give up and stop.
Blessings of peace.