Stepson doing drugs in my home
I am beyond frustrated with my husband and my stepson. He's 16 and ever since he came to live with us, he has caused nothing but drama. He uses drugs and because of his drug use, he was kicked out of the previous school he attended. He's now attending school here and he's still using. He has stolen from us to buy his drugs. His dad and I have even caught him in the act of doing the drugs. My frustration is that my husband chooses to bury his head in the sand. He doesn't do anything to my stepson. Meanwhile, when I tried to enforce some discipline, I become the evil stepmother. I am so angry about all of this. My husband and I have 3 kids together and with them, he is strict. Meanwhile, he lets my stepson get away with darn near everything. When I called him out on this, his reasoning was: It's different. Our kids have been around me longer than than DJ (my stepson). so I expect more out of them". To further explain, my husband had been having an ongoing custody battle for years with DJ's mom because she never allowed him to see DJ. It was only after DJ became older and started getting into trouble that she practically gave him to us. Since then, she has been no help. When I tell her about DJ's drug use, she says, "Well, let his dad take care of it." His dad isn't and it's getting worse. We lock our things up now, something we never had to do before DJ got here. I want to get him help but since I am only his stepmother, no one really listens to me. My husband tells me to stay out of it because "I can be too hard on DJ" and that "I don't know what his life has been like, etc". When I do stay out of it, DJ gets into trouble again and my husband comes running to me to fix it. What should I do?
Unless your husband and his ex are on board with you about this CHILD's behavior, then you are talking to the wind.
Do they realize that he is endangering his own health AND the safety of the family?
Insist on family counseling ASAP!!! Go yourself, even if he (husband) doesn't.
Agree whole-heartedly with SUSIEDQQ. You can't fix either of them, or the situation. What you can do is take care of yourself and your kids, even if that means living separate from your spouse and his son. You have to think about your kids and what they're seeing and hearing in the situation they're exposed to. Not to mention the issue of safety, for all of you. If he'll steal from you, he's obviously beyond caring how his actions affect anyone else in the house, and that will only continue to get worse.
Get yourself (and probably the kids) to a counselor. "Live it, don't lip it". You're wasting your time and energy trying to get two people to want to change. That simply doesn't work. They have to want the change. They have to seek help. All you can do is take care of yourself and your kids, and hopefully your husband and stepson will see they have options and can change their lives in positive ways too, and decide to get help. If not?? You'll have some hard questions to ask yourself, and some difficult conversations to have with your spouse and children...
Best of luck and keep us posted. <3