How do i help my 18 yr old son cope with my marriage breakup?
I left my husband over a year ago, the marriage was dead and he had nowhere to go so i chose to live with my grandparents and let my ex keep the house with our 18 yr old son. For the first few months my ex took 2 medication overdoses (a cry for help as he told me and we got medical help), but he has since literally shut down. My ex nearly lost the house, and relied on me for money, and refused to get a job or sort his finances out.
Our son doesnt want to leave his dad for fear that he'll commit suicide, but its at the point where my son is now depressed and anxious all the time about money and his dads mental health issues.
I spend as much time with my son as possible, i have a new house now and a new partner, but im constantly worried about my ex and even still give him money at times.
My son broke dowm today in tears telling me he is tired of the responsibility of making sure his dad is ok. Its been over a year and my ex seems determined to wallow and not move on, and blame me for everything including money worries and the end of a marriage he never tried to save.
What more can i do cos it breaks my heart to see my son this way.
Are you officially divorced? I'm sure there's way more to this story than what's being told here. Maybe this medication he's taking is the cause of all this. I don't know if your ex has sought help from another doctor It sounds to me like you want to get your ex out of your life Which you should've resolved this issue with your ex before you found a new man.
This whole miserable situation is never going to end or come to any resolve until his condition is under control. He's doing this form of self destruction because of you and won't stop until you or he get to the bottom of this condition possibly analyzed by another doctor. I know I'd be hurt and possibly self destructive if my wife up and left me for another man.
"My ex took 2 medication overdoses"
Has your ex seen a doctor, has he been diagnosed with clinical depression?
Your son, a very good boy, took it upon himself to stay so he can make sure his dad is safe.
But (for goodness sake) he is only a teenager!
His responsibility - school work and grades.
"My ex seems determined to wallow and not move on"
Clinical depression? If not, why would he, you provided him a roof and still give him money.
The responsibility needs to be lifted, off your son.
Unless you are capable of explaining "emotional blackmail" to him without him having to jump to defend his father, let a counselor enlighten him.
Offsprings are expected to help, in small ways... Not full responsibility.
Scopes - no we are not divorced yet. I didnt leave him for another man. Basically i was with my ex for 23 years. During that time he never worked, i always brought the money in. We have 3 kids (23, 20 and 18). After years of waiting for my ex to change, and after years of his emotional and controlling behaviour and refusal to get a job, i chose to leave (i suffer bi-polar and have done since early 20's). My ex suffers depression at times. When i left my ex had no place to go so he kept the house, my som stayed with him as there was no room at my grandparents (which is where i was for almost 10 months before finding a house).
Me ex then stopped paying the house bills, they nearly got homesless but i helped by atill gicing my money to save the house. But now i have my own place i cant afford to pay for 2 houses.
The problem is that our 18 yr old is in a constant state of worry because my ex threatens suicide, doesnt pay bills, and is emotionally manipulative to the point where he has made up various 'illnesses' and our son is now too scared to leave him. My ex is 42 and im just not sure how to help my son.
I spend alot of time with him, have asked him to move in, and i continuously tell him i love him, im here for him but he is still depressed and im not sure what else to do. I cant force my ex to get a job, and he says he is depressed and has seen councillors but also says that they dont help
I stand corrected
I retract all of my hostile statements, I've changed my thinking . Perhaps a third party whom might force and upper hand here and I hate to say it (a lawyer)? Some how a legal authority should be able to intervene and help someone get on the straight and narrow. One bad thing perpetuates another that being his emotional and controlling behavior and suicidal consumption of medication
As long as you keep providing (roof and money) your ex will stay the same.
And you will try your best to keep providing for the sake of your son.
Both your posts points to your deep concern for your son who is in a bad position.
He's stuck and entangled. He needs counseling, to " release him of the responsibility of his father's life."