I have a problem I need to hear what you guys thinks
First I am not to good at English yet, I'll have only speak and texting English for 3 years no school in English I hope you guys still understand me I'm doing my best Thank you!
I have been married with my husband for 3 years
I need to know, what you will do in my situation!
My husband has through our whole marriage keep his wedding
Picture hi has of him and his ex wife. I have always been upset because of those picture
I don't mean than they belong in our home, not even when hi has put them away in a closet.
Yesterday we had a fight, because I want to throw away all his old weddings picture, hi start yelling at me
When I said than I think it's time to throw away all those picture, he said than its his property and hi is keeping them as a memory of his past life. When I said than its not normal to keep old weddings picture of him and his ex wife wedding hi find lots of excuses to keep them, then it's was because its was memories of his past life
Then it's was because his mom was on the picture, then I want to give them to the 3 kids hi has with his
Ex wife, then I want to give them to his ex wife.
But after I said than okay he can keep them, but I will not stay with him. Hi allowed me to cut away his ex-wife in the picture, I think that's was better than nothing, but when I was cutting out his ex-wife and her family from the pictures, I notice than one Page Of the picture was missing, I find out today than its was because hi hide it from me, it's was a Page with her family and him standing on their wedding!
Me and my husband don't have a wedding we just got married in a office in our Church no party nothing he has never even giving me a engagement ring or Wedding ring!! But hi did give his ex wife a Beautiful diamond ring
After 3 years i'm starting to wondering if hi love me or his ex because hi still help her with everything
His even protecting her against me. If I said than I don't like than hi is fixing her yard or her car, fixing stuff inside her house, or helping her with other stuff there has nothing to do with their 3 children they have together
Hi told me than everybody help their ex wife and its normal thing to do it's also normal to keep there wedding picture hi sad. And also said than hi feel sorry for her, because hi divorce her back in 2009!!
He is never helping me with nothing we have 2 children together one girl 2 years old a a boy 4 month old.
He never want to have sex with me either, we May have sex three times a month, if I ask for more his getting upset and said than his is not a fucking machine!! I'm still amazed than I could get pregnant because it's has been like this since we met!!
We has taking about our own wedding but he doesn't seem interests to start planning our wedding! Hi Beverly want to talk about a date for our wedding!!
If his ex wife call is hi usually always do what she asked for! If I ask he get upset
we are both member of the LDS Churth his Ex wife is to. They are married in our Tempel which means they are married for ever. When we was taking to our bishop about our Tempel wedding the bishop told my husband than hi haft to Divorse his ex wife in the Tempel, my husband start coming the excuses Not to Divorse her in the Tempel, even when the bishop Swiss than that's the only thing there is fair against me, we even had a fight about that, hi dozen want to Divorse her in the Tempel, and I feel like I am not good enough for him since he won't divorce her In the Tempel. I cry everyday because of all this, I have even offered everything just to be with him
I am born and raise Scandinavian but move to USA only because of him, I fly for 17 hours 5675 Miles
I terminate my appartment, sold my car, give away all my stuff,furniture clothes everything I give away! I left my family and friends behind, and have not have the one chance to go back just in a vacation to visit my family for 3 years! I move to a country I Beverly know with a language that was strange for me, before I met my husband I didn't talk to much English I practiced and practiced hard to learn English, all that I did for him and hi just seem like hi Carrie more about his ex-wife than me. I have no Friends in USA no family I just all alone I only have my 2 children, his family dozen like me to much, they love his ex wife and inviting her for evry family party! They even still visit her!
Am I just in everybody's way?? I feel like am just in their ways ðð
What will you guys do if you was in this situation.
my husband said than hi love me and our marriage is a very nice marriage
But it's dozen feel that way! I am really heartbreaking. Hi dozen understand oldest feelings hurt me more than anything. Thank you
I think I understand the situation, and I really only have a couple of questions for you. It sucks you're in this situation, and I feel bad for you. That said, I am wondering...
How did you not know this man is still hung up on his ex BEFORE you gave your life away and moved to a whole new country??
Why would you expect him to ever change, when it's so clear he simply doesn't want to. For you, or even for himself??
You can't make him want his new marriage any more than you can make him let go of his old one. If you've stayed because you feel have no choice, that's never actually true. We always have choices. They may not be easy or comfortable choices, but the choices are always there. Reach out to your network of family and friends, and go somewhere you feel wanted. Trying to get him to change or give you anything he doesn't want to is not going to work, for either of you...
I'm sorry to hear your story. You did a big thing for him, to give up everything just to be with the man you love.
We know we cannot force another person to do what they don't want to do. The photos are disturbing you. When you insisted that he should throw them away, he got angry and started yelling at you. When he finally allowed you to cut the photos, he resorted to hiding one of them. So that's what I mean by you cannot force another person to do what they don't want to do.
Do you why he divorced his ex wife? Has he told you the story before? In most marriages, especially in the beginning, the time spent together is sweet. Perhaps he treasure those moments. It is common that divorced couples help on another but when the new wife is uncomfortable about it, the husband need to cater to her feelings.
There is no use thinking about the past, how you gave up everything, how many hours or how many miles you travelled. Going round and round about the past in your head will only make you feel bad and will not solve any problem and will not help the situation.
"I'm starting to wonder if he loves me...."
Don't need to wonder because you have the answer.
Here is how you find out....
Take a seat.. Close your eyes..Give yourself some quiet time,
put away the jealous feeling,
think slowly, gently,
think about you and him only.
the things he did for you,
the things he did with you..
the time you spent with him..
the conversation you had with him..
Slowly, take your time...
The things he said yes to you
The things he said no to you
......Loving? Impatient? Caring? Neglecting?.....
Take care of yourself first. So that you can take care of your young children.
Cheer yourself up. So that you can keep them happy.
When you feel lonely, you can always, come back here and talk to us :-)
May you be well.